October 23, 2014

Happy Deepavali!

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 Deepavali, the festival of lights for me is a reminder, that we are called to be lights dispelling darkness. Darkness of fear, failures, insecurities, pride, prejudice, hatred, bitterness, anger ignorance and bondage.

As I watch people around me cleaning their house, and decorating with flowers, and placing the little lamp at their doors to welcome Lakshmi (the goddess of wealth).  I too feel motivated to do some cleaning, so today I cleared some clutter, which has been pending for a long time, I cleaned up a shelf, put things in order, and while doing so; my thoughts led me to think, why not also declutter the mind on this occasion, and allow some freshness to sweep in and get cleansed by releasing all the toxic.

So much has happened in the last few weeks, and it was quite a challenge for me to remain positive and grateful, despite all the issues I succeeded being not only positive and grateful, but also productive in terms of doing everything expected both at the home front and in my office, and the best part is I was also able to blog for a week.

As David lit the candles, for prayer, I let go and released all the negative thoughts and  persons who tried to humiliate and defame our family…. In the quietness of my mind, l let the light come into my heart and mind dispelling all forms of darkness.

The worst experiences are the most important ones, for they make you think, reflect and change and focus on WHAT and WHO matters most in life… I silently pray for those who hurt, betray, cause pain, are unfair and unjust… Glad they have touched my life giving me great lessons in life.. I forgive them for they have helped me learn about Trust and the importance of being shrewd, assertive and cautious…

Today I join all my friends who are celebrating this festival, may the Divine light shine not only in your homes ! But also in Your life and in your family!

HAPPY DEEPAVALI TO MY FRIENDS!
WISHING YOU LOVE, JOY, PEACE, HAPPINESS AND HARMONY TODAY AND ALWAYS! MAY YOU HAVE A SAFE CELEBRATION !

 

October 22, 2014

A short story – When Things Go Wrong ….


This is the last post was written for Write Tribe “Rediscovering Your Blogging Groove Day 7 of the challenge.

I have not been able to post on time, but I do not want to leave the challenge incomplete, so here I go to share and short story I have read from the inspirational quote… “When Things Go Wrong…..

An old man lived alone in Minnesota.  He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was too much of hard work.  His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation;

“Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year.  I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting them. I am just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.  If you were here, all my troubles would be over.  I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren’t in prison”

Shortly, the old man received this telegram: “For Heaven’s sake, Dad don’t dig up the garden! That’s where I buried the guns!” At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next. His son’s reply was: “Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad.  It’s the best I could do for you from here”.
No matter where you are in the world,
if you have decided to do something deep from your heart, You can do it !

May you be Inspired!

October 21, 2014

Why give Dowry?



I am writing for Blog Action Day, which was on 16 October, 2014. I could not post earlier, I am doing it today. Blog Action Day brings together bloggers from different countries, interests and languages to blog about one important global topic on the same day. This year’s topic is: INEQUALITY.

I am participating in Write Tribe's Rediscovering your Blogging Groove. Today is Day 6 and the prompt for the day is - Ask a question.

Discrimination begins right from the time a child is born in the family. I remember one old friend asking me, you have one child, is it expenditure or income. Meaning to say a male child will bring in income, and a female child is a curse, that will add to the burden in the family in the form of expenditure. 

Parents get worried if it’s a girl child, they start investing for them right from birth, so that by the time they mature and complete their education, they will be settled in marriage, and a lot of expenditure is incurred for the marriage.

It does not stop there, the saga continues, with a lot of customs wherein the bride will keep visiting their parents for first festival, first new year, and first of everything, even the first delivery is the expenditure for the parents.  Even the so called educated women follow these customs, and it’s a matter of pride to get brides who are rich and who can afford to make their husbands rich by giving them two/four wheelers, and have big fat weddings at the cost of the bride‘s family.  

Despite all the efforts made by the parents, brides are still not very secure and safe; we read so much in the newspaper death due to dowry harassment, suicide because of dowry, bride burning, attempt to murder…. The Indian women's rights activists campaigned for more than 40 years to contain dowry deaths, such as the Dowry Prohibition Act 1961 and the more stringent Section 498a of IPC (enacted in 1983).

Using the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005 (PWDVA) implemented in 2006, a woman can put a stop to the dowry harassment by approaching a domestic violence protection officer. I remember addressing a few of the issues related to dowry, when I was working for an NGO that was the service provider for recording the Domestic Violence cases and forwarding them to the Project Director, women and child welfare department.

Still there are so many cases pending, not resolved, getting justice is not easy, especially when you are poor and lower middle class, you got to be running from end to the other end, by that time, is too late for the bride to move on; as it is said justice delayed is justice denied. 

This is not a battle which can be won in a day, and by few persons raising their voice; there needs to be a collaborative effort from all sides to put an end to  discrimination, violence and say a big NO to dowry.

Let us join hands and fight against this evil “SAY NO TO DOWRY”

October 16, 2014

Gratitude Link Up !

Thanking Corinne for providing information on the links for Gratitude link up!
This post is inspired from linkup on Laurel Regan’s Alphabet Salad

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My gratitude list for today!
  • I am blessed with good health, got up early and did some yoga stretches
  • Got some time for breathing exercises
  • Spent some quiet time in meditation.

  • Practiced positive affirmations that made me happy and energetic
  • Enjoyed singing while riding to my place of work, and returned safe despite traffic 
  • Facilitated an issue the client found difficult to handle, felt confident and grateful for having made a good beginning!!
  • Happy to see my daughter taking responsibility to complete her home assignment independently
  • Glad to have read some inspiring messages
  • Getting back to re- reading a favorite and an inspiring book
  • Interesting place visited - Shilparamam, Hyderabad with my daughter and my friend with her daughter a place for art & crafts and also a model of rural village set up



  • Went out for lunch at Hyderabad House and enjoyed the delicious biryani
  • Energetic till the end of the day and closing this day with a gratitude post !
  • Grateful for being connected to Gratitude link
Be Grateful & Be Happy !

 

October 14, 2014

Day 4 Link Posts

This post is written for Write Tribe – fourth day


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This post is linked  to forgiveness and gratitude,  from everydaygyaan.com/forgiveness-and-gratitude posted by Corinne ..


I strongly promote gratitude in my life; and believe that it is very important to be grateful for everything we have and possess in our lives. I found that being grateful has kept me positive and happy, despite a lot of challenges in my life…. I never underestimate the power of gratitude, and so I wanted it become a way of life for me; hence I am doing my best to sustain this attitude all the time.

Recently I attended a seminar, wherein a lady presented a research paper on the link between gratitude and forgiveness among the IT employees stating that forgiveness and gratitude are positive psychological characteristics that are connected to well-being.  She went on explain the research process as to how they arrived at the results.

Earlier in my life I did not connect gratitude and forgiveness-  as I looked at them separately..  Reading the blog reminded me of all the times, I found difficult to forgive myself for all the mistakes I made in my life and the pressure I put on myself to be perfect, thereby blocking myself to learning. 

In the process it was also a struggle for me to forgive others. I remember so many times I refused to let go of some experiences wherein I felt manipulated and exploited.  At the same time, I was completely aware that forgiveness is important to move ahead in my life… thanks to all those spiritual gurus whom I encountered in my life; and who helped me understand the value of forgiveness and letting go of the past. 

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Louise Hay in her book “You can Heal Yourself teaches to let go of the past, and encourages to make the right choice, which can impact and influence the future.  The positive affirmations that is suggested is mostly on love, peace, acceptance and harmony in ourselves, others and in and around the world.

Now when I look back at those persons and events that brought pain into my life, I realize the very same experiences have helped me to move on, find alternatives, and explore possibilities in understanding myself better, value those who love and care; enabling me to become a little more wiser, to see my own contributions to the situations that I have created.  

So in a way I am thankful for every experience and every person for  providing me lessons, otherwise I would not have learnt. Gratitude leads one to be  generous enough to forgive everyone and everything, thus setting oneself free from within in the process of finding our purpose for existence.

I renew my choice to forgive myself and others every day of my life  & I renew myself to continue  my journey  with gratitude !!

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I managed the fourth day post for Write Tribe … .. grateful to all of you, for inspiring…. I am sorry I am finding difficult to read your posts with my existing tight schedule, however  I will make  time to visit your blogs ! 

Be Blessed & Be Happy !!

October 13, 2014

Day 3 - Book Review


This post is written for Write Tribe Third day theme: Write a Review Post

I have read many books, but have never attempted to write a review post, so this day is a challenging one for me to respond to the theme.   Nevertheless, I am attempting to write a review post on a book that I have read years ago by Dr Joseph Murphy; it was one of the finest book called “The Power of Your Subconscious Mind”.

I was very impressed with this book, when I read it for the first time.  This book has some 20 chapters, every chapter speaks about how the subconscious works in our lives, the power of the subconscious mind, and how we can get everything and anything in our lives by believing in the power of our subconscious to heal, inspire, strengthen and bring in prosperity in our lives.

The author shares about how our mind works; he explains the difference between the conscious and the subconscious.  He also speaks about the mental healings in ancient times and modern times.  He provides practical techniques in mental healing, with appropriate examples of using our subconscious to get the results we want, to create health, wealth and riches.

Dr Murphy also shares on how scientist use the subconscious mind to receive guidance, for inventions, to solve  various problems in relationships, to break or build a habit, to remove fears and to stay young and  happy. After every chapter the author gives us the summary, highlighting the main points to remember what we have read…

I enjoyed reading this book, and remember sharing it with many of my friends. I was so inspired that I bought a few books and gifted to my near and dear ones.

If you have not read this book, I recommend you to read…..  I have not read the printed word for a long time…  hope to get back to reading and learning to review..

Linking this to write tribe festival !


Be Blessed & Be Happy!

October 12, 2014

Day 2 - Why Listen?

This post is written for Write Tribe second day theme: Answer a Question
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Listening is act of Love – to listen is to Love

I have been very lucky in my life; for I have always found very authentic and credible persons in the form of friends, spiritual guides/gurus, mentors, teachers, colleagues who were always there for me to listen to me whenever I needed help.

I experience a higher and deeper sense of gratitude because whatever I am now today is because of all those lovely people who gave time to me, listen to my struggles, helped me make decisions at the appropriate times of life, and directed me to value persons more than things, and have taught me to listen with love.

I thought I have become a good listener; ask my daughter, and she will complain I am not listening;

I am still learning to be a good listener.

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To Listen is to Understand 
(not judge, evaluate, question, take information and use it against the person.)

This is so common, we find very few people who listen to Understand.. …Most of the time we come across people who are just hearing, waiting to judge, getting ready to answer, evaluating, questioning the  motivations/intentions of the persons and also taking the information to be used against and also misinterpret them. 

No doubt, more than ever today, we find there is a great need for counselors in our country; because there are people of all age group looking for someone who can LISTEN without judging, without any prejudice, without evaluating them and questioning their motives and intentions.

Just by providing understanding, we can help persons from getting into severe psychological problems, and sometimes we can even prevent them from self-harm, suicide, and prevent them to get into smoking and alcohol addictions.

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Listening also is therapeutic and can heal
While dealing with domestic violence, the first thing that I do is to listen to the victims, who have so much of pent up emotions; and they seem to remember with such details, all that has been happening in their marital life and they continue to suffer, finding ways and means to deal with violence that has been going on for years.  

Listening is therapeutic and provides psychological space for them unburden themselves giving chance for healing and moving on to take the next step towards empowerment.

What are your thoughts on Listening ? 

October 11, 2014

Day 1 -Write a List - Rediscover your blogging Groove


I am glad to associate myself with Write Tribe. 

I thank Corinne for introducing me to Darren’s post; It did help me to begin in a small way. Here are 7 things in my life that keeps me motivated:

My Family
David my husband has been my biggest support; he has always been very accommodative, helpful and encouraging me to move ahead, be it my education, I could complete two post graduations (one in sociology and another one in psychology).  He also lends his helping hand in maintaining our house and sometimes even in cooking.  My daughter Dorothy is a joy for us, and brings in a lot of happiness and is my great motivator, full of life, fun, laughter and inspires us with her jokes, songs and dance.  My family has been my strength in whatever I do in my life.

My work
Work has always been very fulfilling in my life; as most of the time I chose to work in the service sector and working for more than two decades has made me happy.  I thank all those who have hired me, and provided a lot of opportunity for learning, I worked in one organization for 13 and half years in various capacities, traveled within the country, associated myself in workshops, training's and programmes.  I moved to another organization and worked for 7 years, and now I am in an University for the last 3 and half years, its been a long journey and work has always been my greatest motivator.

My Friends
Friends are the biggest blessings of my life, at every stage of my life I made good friends, who not only inspired, guided and pushed me to the next level to use my capacity, but have been my positive energy, as I kept moving on, I made new friends, and I continue to make even now; some of them have brought the best out of me; a few have helped me in decision making, some have stood by me at tough times of my life, enabling me to cope with all the struggles I faced, and a few have walked the extra mile to bring smile on my face… so I love my friends and I treat them like my extended family.

My students
The last 3 and  half years that I worked in the counseling centre has been very meaningful to me; as I encounter a lot of students who come with different problems.  Most of the times I am amazed at their simplicity and trust they place in me, as they open up their lives and share with faith…. I feel privileged to be associated, and I see so much of goodness in them.. .. an experience so divine that pushes me and helps me get stronger day by day motivating me to commit myself for service.

You (Bloggers)
I do not write regularly, even though I do make promises to myself; but I find difficult to strike a balance, meeting students, taking a session and being part of the training always takes priority, and with managing home and work, most of the times I procrastinate…. Despite all this whenever I read your posts I am inspired and I learn so much… so my friends I am glad to read your posts. Thanks for motivating me, otherwise i would not have been meeting you at write tribe…. Do appreciate all of you for your inspiring posts.

Plants /Garden
I have started enjoying myself in the nearby park with my daughter every day.  It’s a small beautiful park, full of trees, lovely lawn and space for children to play which is just 10 minutes’ walk from the place I live. I have begun to enjoy walking barefoot on the wet lawn; I take ten rounds around the walking path that is created.

I love the sound of children running around, laughing and making noises, there are also a few senior citizens who come and relax. Recently the colony committee had encouraged residents to take saplings from the garden to plant at home.

I was happy to take two different kinds of saplings and have put them in the pot, watching over, and watering it every day, feel good when I look at the green plants and now I have fallen in love with the green color, and it’s quite energizing and uplifting.

Thank you notes
Receiving Thank you notes!! I just love it…  I do not throw any thank you notes; I keep collecting them and love re reading them.  Of late I have been receiving a lot of thank you messages on emails and whats app from friends, students and colleagues.  It does make a lot of difference to me, and keeps reminding me to be thankful and stay grateful 24/7.  So most of the time, I am happy as gratitude keeps me happy and productive.

Hope to stay connected with you all! would also love to hear your thoughts ...

Be Blessed & Be  happy ! 

 

October 10, 2014

WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY!

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Today 10 October, 2014 is World Mental Health Day! I am invited to speak about positive mental health in a city college, so I looked at the theme for this year.  I found Schizophrenia was the focus: which is a diagnosis given to some persons who have distorted beliefs and experiences, wherein the person loses touch with reality, sees and hears things that are not there, has irrational beliefs, acts strangely because of the delusions and hallucinations.

It is very tough and challenging to work with persons who have schizophrenia; an episode of schizophrenia can take a long time, and can be very frightening too.  I remember having 2-3 persons who were schizophrenics and were regular for counselling sessions at our centre.  The WHO statistics says that there are at least 26 million people living worldwide with this problem.

It is said that the causes is associated with chemical changes in the brain, and also due to stressful experiences in life, and other reason is also said to be recreational drugs also trigger an episode in vulnerable persons.

I feel so happy to talk about positive mental health to the students; as the topic itself brings in a lot of energy to me, and every time I take a session, I feel new, and desire to relook at my own self to look at those aspects which I am struggling to integrate in order to be positive and healthy.

I recall and remember in one of the sessions I attended on holistic health years ago, and the speaker was emphasizing on the importance of positive mental health, stating that good mental health is a sense of well being, that brings in confidence in ourselves and enhances our self esteem.   

While I was preparing for this session; I looked at the time given was just an hour, and in an hour’s time I needed to orient the students on what is mental health, difference between mental health and mental illness; and how can we improve our mental health.

There is enough and more material available at my centre, and also on the internet; so today I just highlighted the important aspects of staying mentally healthy.  The girls were quite enthusiastic and smart and they were knowledgeable to talk about exercise, yoga, meditation, nutrition, water… so I did not touch upon these aspects; but felt inspired to focus on being emotionally healthy… explored with them as to how they deal with emotions like anger, jealousy, resentment, hatred, forgiveness. 

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There was pin drop silence as I spoke and I was happy to share on dealing with anger in a healthy manner; learning to handle emotions of jealousy and cultivating habit to forgive, letting go, moving ahead in life, living fearlessly, positive thinking and practice Gratitude every day!

I thank and appreciate the organizers for scheduling this awareness programmes in the colleges and bringing in change among youth.

If you are young and are struggling with any issue related to fear, anxiety, depression, relationship issues, suicidal ideation, suicidal thoughts, Bipolar, schizophrenia …
There is hope!! For there are organizations working in the area of mental health...  


If you are in Hyderabad you can contact: 

Makro Foundation http://www.makrofoundation.org that has a helpline with the number 040-46004600. 

There are also other organizations that work specifically for suicide prevention…. 

If you are in a college or university in Hyderabad, you can even contact Sahayam, Osmania University’s Psychological Counseling centre, email at sahayamou@gmail.com or dial 040-27682451.

Be Happy !

October 4, 2014

Say NO to Violence!

I am happy to make a paper presentation this month, on Counseling Women in Domestic Violence. The Department of psychology from St. Francis College for Women had invited for a “National Seminar on Counseling, Recent Trends and Initiatives.” The Organizers also encouraged us to present papers



Since I have been involved in working with women, responding to issues of violence. I decided to present a paper on this topic.  While I kept thinking all the time, a  lot of thoughts came in, and also transported me to my past, making me recall all those cases that were filed under the DVA (Domestic Violence Act 2005) wherein I was part of the whole process for filing the DV cases. 

Adding to my experience I had also facilitated a 6 months pilot programme on Violence against women at YWCA (Young Women Christian Association) in collaboration with MAKRO Foundation and COVA (Confederation of Voluntary Associations).

The study was a qualitative one, and the methodology used was the case studies that were documented from the pilot programme.  I looked into 25 case studies that spoke various types of violence faced by women.  All these women were semi-literate, from the slums of Hyderabad, in the age group of 25-45 years.

·        In understanding of case studies it was found that majority of women who suffered domestic violence had alcoholic husbands, alcohol was one of main factor for violence.

·     In 90% of the cases the victim was the women, the abuser was the man, which clearly shows the inequality of Male /female domination, and even preferences in society.

·     Women who took lot violence, had a very low self-concept, and had no esteem about themselves. They have even accepted violence as part of their marriage.

I could relate this to a very interesting study by Seligman (1975 cited in Myers, 1989) and others first observed ‘learned helplessness’ in experiments with animals and people. When animals were placed in an aversive situation where there was no escape they appeared to take on a sense of helplessness. Later when placed in an aversive situation which they could easily escape, they made no attempt to do so.

From these early experiments, it was suggested that if people perceived they had no control over aversive events they would see control of their situation as lying outside themselves. This perception would lead to general helpless behaviour.

In ‘The Battered Woman’, Walker (1979) argued that an abused woman will often become ‘paralysed’ as a result of learned helplessness. According to Walker, the woman comes to believe she has no control over her situation and consequently becomes submissive towards punishment and violence.

Nothing she does changes her situation so she thinks she is the problem and that she must change herself. She blames herself for not being able to change the situation and therefore suffers from low self-esteem and becomes anxious and depressed.

·    Women were also very strongly influenced by their societal norms and traditions; which was very evident by the way they have borne various forms of violence. Many women feared separation for the sake of children and security.

·      Emotional abuse was very high in all the case studies that were analyzed, and it left a lasting scar, to deal in a counseling session.

·         The impact of violence against women was very obvious on children, as they witnessed constant abuse by one partner over the other.
The prevalence of domestic violence in urban slums in our country is relatively high and confirms that domestic violence is a universal phenomenon. It also proves that there is a serious gender equation.

According to a latest report prepared by India’s National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), 2011 a crime has been recorded against women in every 3 minutes in India. Every 60 minutes, two women are raped in this country. Every 6 hours, a young married woman is found beaten to death, burnt or driven to suicide

As per National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) statistics, in 2011, Hyderabad stood at third place after Delhi and Bangalore among the list of 52 cities in the country for recording maximum cases pertaining to violence against women (excluding Cyberabad data). But, if the crime figures from Cyberabad were also taken into account, the state capital would be in second position.

Abuse can have a serious impact on the way a person thinks and interacts with the world around them.   The chronic exposure to domestic violence—and the stress fear resulting from this exposure—can cause not only immediate physical injury, but also mental shifts that occur as the mind attempts to process trauma or protect the body.

Domestic violence affects one’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors and can significantly impact one’s mental stability. Increased anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and depression symptoms are commonly observed among survivors of domestic violence.

Children can witness domestic violence in a variety of ways. All children witnessing domestic violence are being emotionally abused, and this is now recognized as 'significant harm.


For all women who are in abusive situations, it’s a wakeup call to claim your right to live with dignity and respect. 

Take Charge! 
You are not alone! 
Say NO to Violence ….


October 1, 2014

THANKS TO MY PARENTS !!!

I am thanking Corinne for motivating me .... after reading her invitation, I just started writing, this post was written  for the October challenge, hosted by everyday gyaan.


I did a very interesting exercise, at a seminar, recently in my city. The topic was self-awareness, and the resource person wanted the participants to share with the person next to us, our name, the meaning of the name and significance of our names.
My partner, a lady who was next to me shared her name, the meaning of her name, and the significance, when it came to my turn, I too did it with ease and comfort.  The end of the day, I could not forget the experience of what I shared, for there was so much of gratitude in my heart for my parents, who are no more – and I marveled at the way they chose our names in the family.
Being very simple and down to earth, fearing God, they were guided by the religious priests and nuns. I remember my mom telling me that I was named by a religious nun as Genevive Angela, the reason being that according to the calendar, the feast of St Genevieve was on January 3rd and I was born on 29 December. Angela was added to Genevive, and that’s how I was named as Genevive Angela.
I don’t know from where my mother picked up another pet name for me, and she started calling me Janet, and I loved being called by this name. 
As I grew I got curious and found out the meaning of my name, from my school library, there was a book on St Genevieve,http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genevieve... I started reading the story of this saint and was very inspired and motivated.
But I disliked the way my name used to be pronounced and thus a lot more names got added to me… some girls in the school used to call me Ginny, and I would be so irritated, and then others used to call me the capital of Switzerland Geneva, and I used to get upset with it, now I laugh and feel tickled and also very funny sharing this… all my family members and friends called me Janet, and I am quite comfortable with it.
I did not want Janet to become an official name, so now I introduce myself happily as Genevive Angela, and I am called as G Angela at my place of work.  Those who know me too well still call me Genevive, and I have no issues with the name now.
The exercise triggered in me gratitude towards my parents, and also the religious sister who helped my mom choose this name.  Remembering my parents with love and gratitude!! For not only giving me a name, meeting my basic necessities of life, enrolling me in a school, and enabling me to celebrate my life with gratitude!


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