A Special Wedding Anniversary !

The 13^th of October 2012 has been a very significant day for me; I can’t believe I have been married for 12 years.  Turning back I cannot say that “we are a perfect couple” or ours was a perfect marriage. 

It was a mixture of beautiful experiences, treasured moments, joy and sorrow combined together.  I remember even before my marriage I had been a very optimistic, enthusiastic and happy person. Because, I chose to be happy and grateful.   I can say that these qualities of mine have sustained me, even in the toughest situation of my life.

This year what made our day, the most memorable one was the initiative my daughter Dorothy took to celebrate our anniversary.  What touched my heart was that she along with my niece bought a card, a cake and small gifts for both of us from their pocket money.  

Dorothy our daughter has now become an expert in making collages, and she has made this lovely collage on our anniversary.  This is truly one of the finest gifts I have received, and I am so thankful to God almighty for blessing me with abundance love, joy and peace. This collage was made by my daughter Dorothy.

David was completely bowled over, by Dorothy’s gesture, he had no words to articulate for the experience given, so he reciprocated by cooking a delicious meal for all of us that day.

I am grateful for these small joys in my life! 

Birthday Remembrance of My Mom Rosemary Dass

Today is my mother’s birthday, a very memorable and unforgettable day.

My mother loved celebrations. She would be ready by early hours, dress up with new saree, matching accessories and ready to go to church for mass.

The evening hours were always special for her, for it would bring the whole family together; prayers were a must, followed by cake cutting and a family dinner. 

My heart is filled with gratitude for my mother for all that she was to the family, and today I recall, relive and remember with great love for all that she was to our family and specially to me.

May her soul rest in peace !

Meaning in Life

 The death of my son helped me create meaning for my life in a newer way. I responded to every opportunity that came my way, and  gradually  learnt to accept the reality of my situation.  I reclaimed my lost hobby ie. Swimming. I started to swim every day for one whole year, leaving me refreshed. 

I took up part time work at the university, as a counselor and later on  made it my full time work, for I found my work very fulfilling. I agreed to do some sessions on stress management in colleges that made me  relook at my own style of managing stress, and inspired me to explore ways to address my own stress.

In the process, I also connected with so many different persons in my life, and I have begun to appreciate the beauty of persons and the difference they were making in this world.   I am still continuing to explore many other aspects of myself to find my own purpose in life, and live my life with gratitude, I am still in process….. 

As I keep exploring about my life. I find some noticeable happenings in our family. The entry of a cat, that has been visiting us every day.  Both my mother in law and husband David have developed attachment to this cat, for it came in after Emmanuel's departure. 

Now the cat has become part of our family, my husband ensures that the cat is fed and looked afters. What surprises me is that the cat has been responding, and comes in exactly when David is at home.  David is busy storing food for the cat, keeps the feed ready in the mornings as well as in the evenings. 

When the cat does not come for a day, he is so disturbed, that he starts searching for it and keeps on looking for its arrival.
 

Then there are some birds, who have become members of our family. Food is cooked daily for Emmanuel in his memory and placed at his photograph. The next day it is placed on the wall for the birds, now I see pigeons, crows and sparrows coming in to eat the leftover food. Now it’s mandatory that I cook food a little extra for the birds too, for  they have become  very regular and punctual for their feed. 

David has started taking interest in plants – he has been taking care of the plants every day, and enjoying the job of filling in the bucket and spending time early morning in watering the plants.

 I heard him say, that Emmanuel has left him with greater responsibility of taking care of cat, looking after the birds and watering the plants.  

I find all the three activities are not only creating meaning but also helping him to cope with grief.  Life is full of opportunities  and it is upto us to create meanings for our own lives.


 I am grateful to God for every opportunity that comes my way, to create meaning for my life.
 A great thinker asked God: what is the meaning of life? God replied, “Life itself has no meaning. LIFE IS AN OPPORTUNITY to create a MEANING! 

Be Grateful & Be Happy !

 

Wisdom of Tears

I boarded a bus to attend a meeting, the bus took a route that crossed the graveyard, where my son Mario Emmanuel was buried. Whenever I pass that side, I am tempted to look at my son’s graveyard, and experience a sense of great loss in my life.  This time too I was standing in the bus, and I was not able to get a glimpse of my son’s graveyard, so I bent to see and the bus moved away swiftly.

I felt hurt and there was so much pain, the thought of my son no more was too much to bear, I understand that he is no more, and has gone into my past. But the memories are still fresh and it floods me at a time I am so unprepared to handle myself. I do not know when this will happen, but it is so unpredictable. 

Suddenly I Emmanuel everywhere in my life.  I have learnt to a large extent to live without him for the last one half years, but it still hurts to think that he is gone away and my tears have become irresistible now, while I write, when I see his picture, every small little things reminds of my son and I am completely taken over by my tears. I am grateful for my tears, for I know that  healing is taking place in my heart .... and am emotionally being healed, I accept this experience with gratitude as a part of my journey.

I do not stop my tears. I let go, I comfort myself knowing that he is not gone at all, for he is very much still part of myself. I found this poem appropriate for what I feel now… from my son.

I'm Gone now, but I'm still very near.
Death can never separate us.
Each time you feel a gentle breeze,
It's my hand caressing your face.
Each time the wind blows,
It carries my voice whispering your name.
When the wind blows your hair ever so slightly,
Think of it as me pushing a few stray hairs back in place.
When you feel a few raindrops fall on your face,
It's me placing soft kisses.
At night look up in the sky and see the stars shining so brightly.
I'm one of those stars and I'm winking at you and smiling with delight.
For never forget you're the apple of my eye.
--- Mary M. Green
 

“Tears have a wisdom all their own. They come when a person has relaxed enough to let go and to work through his sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional wound, carrying the poison out of the system. Here lies the road to recovery.” --- F. Alexander Magoun

  

Be Blessed & Be Happy!