February 27, 2011

My Purpose in life

The last two months have been extremely stressful, challenging for me especially dealing with the loss of my son, it was very painful as I could not bring myself to believe that my son who was full of life is no more now.  Everything in the house reminded me of him, his clothes as I settled in order to give away, his medicines, his shoes, sandals and a whole lot of teaching material I accumulated to teach him, one by one I started clearing it finding my way to give away.

I could not control my emotions, and I wept and wept only to be disturbed by my daughter who caught me crying, asking me innocently, why are you crying now, are you still thinking of Emmanuel.  Suddenly I shifted my focus to what has been happening with me, and looked at my daughter who was waiting for me to take her out to the play ground where she could cycle, and I would be around helping her to ride. 

I did not want to think of Emmanuel now, I realized how attached I was to him, and in the last few months he had come so much closer to me, that I felt proud and happy for the joy he brought to the family.  I told myself, that I needed to let go of him, otherwise I might end up creating guilt for my daughter who is alive.  

Life has so much to offer, and I reminded myself that there is a purpose to everything, Emmanuel had a purpose for my life, he has taught me to slow down and enjoy life, enabled me to see that true beauty of a person is in the love and kindness  shared.

I made up my mind to take some decisions to bring in changes that I desired for in my life. The moment I made a decision, things changed since then, I have been able to reach out to persons who I have never met in life, and now I feel happy to be involved in meaningful work. 

Be Happy !

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