I had a dream and in my dream I had admitted my son in a convent school run by the sisters, it was the first day of his school, so I left him in this school and came home, but I could not rest, as I was worried for my child, as he is not articulating, I was anxious how he would handle himself, If he felt hungry or thirsty, whether he would be able to ask for help.
And so I decided to bring him back home, as I felt very insecure, having my child in the school, so I went back to the school within an hour’s time, and told the school authorities, that I had come to take my son back, and the teachers told me that since he was older, they put him in the higher standard, so I went searching for him the next class, when I went there, I was told that he was sent to another class, so I went on moving from one class to another, only to find that my son was not there in any of the classes where I left, I became desperate, started calling my husband who was also waiting outside the school and both of us went searching in all the sections only to find my son missing.
I suddenly got up from my bed to find, it was a dream, but it was so real that I started crying and I felt very depressed early morning – I kept thinking about it, and was feeling unhappy. The next time, I went to church, and I just sat for few minutes, there was loud music, and very lively songs sung, and I could not control my tears, for it brought memories of my son who used to dance in the church for these songs – I wept and wept nonstop, I was just not able to hold my tears.
Now any where I go, I do not know what will trigger me – I have ready tears for my son waiting to just flow, sometimes I don’t let myself cry, and I exercise great self control, especially in front of my daughter, lest she be upset for being alive, but I am not able to control my tears. The other day in the family prayers, suddenly I started crying as I felt my son’s presence in our room, I could not stop myself from weeping, I continued to weep till the end of our prayers.
Slowly I began to understand, my dream that I had still not accepted the fact that my son is no more, and I am hoping deep within myself he is alive somewhere, and I am angry with God for taking him away from me suddenly when everything appeared fine.
I am hurt, and I have still not let him go completely out of my life, and have been struggling for the last few months. There is always something that I notice, or hear and it is enough to trigger me to cry, Now I do not mind crying for I feel much better when I cry. I believe crying can be so important and healthy, yet many times we don’t let ourselves shed the tears we need to. I feel I need to be gracious to myself, and allow myself to cry without being ashamed to do it.
Do you know that there are benefits to crying?
- A good cry lets out bottled up emotions and feel a little relief
- Crying helps from feeling upset to feeling better
- A good cry helps you heal from grief or pain
- Weeping helps relieves stress, tension and anxiety
- Crying is said to rid your body of toxins.
So the next time, if you feel like crying, do not control or try to stop – let the tears flow, and you will be surprised to find yourself feeling much better, and healthier for having wept.
“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts” Charles Dickens.
Be Blessed !