After the death of my 7 year old son Emmanuel in the month of January 2011, I was shattered and was in a state of void, not knowing what to do, as I had made changes in my life keeping him in mind, and now suddenly I felt, I was without a direction, completely lost, broken and almost getting into depression. The longer I stayed at home, the greater the difficulty of coming out of the situation. I am thankful to God for my family, relatives and friends who were very kind with me, comforted me, and kept in touch with me, and helped me come of the situation.
It was just a week after my son’s death, and I get a call from an old friend, who suggested me about an opening in a counseling centre, for the post of a counselor, who would help the students in dealing with their academic issues and psychological problems. And also refer students with severe disorder problems to the psychiatrist and if required hospital.
In the given situation I was wondering whether I would be able to take this up, as the pain and the loss of my child was too much, and I was still grieving, I was not sure whether I would be able to work as I suffered with pain, and I wondered being hurt and wounded whether I could be in a position to help or reach out, for I was not sure of myself, was feeling lost, but there was something in me that gave me a push from within – and while I shared this with my friends, I was encouraged to take this work.
So I requested the person who offered me this post to give me some time, as death of my son was too fresh in my mind and I felt I required some time for me to cope with this situation, within a month’s time, I made a decision to take up this service, When I reflected back on the difficulty I had in making this decision.
I found as long as I focused on my own hurts, wounds and setbacks, I was only getting paralyzed and fixed, unable to move out of my own bondage; also I was waiting for the time I would be totally healed from my own wounds. The moment I shifted my focus on what I could be doing because of what I have experienced especially with students who require support, I felt empowered from within, for I had been clinging to God in my helplessness and taking refuge in him, trusting that my son was in safe hands, and he works everything for good.
I remember Henri Nouwen’s concept of the ‘wounded healer’ that states, it is not after our wounds are healed, that we become useful in God’s hands; it is in and through the experience of our own wounds. This experience helps us to connect with those who are weak and wounded in so many ways, thereby creating a heart to heart connection which is very fulfilling and satisfying. Am happy to be a wounded Helper!
Be Blessed & Be Happy !