After the death of my 7 year old son
Emmanuel in the month of January 2011, I was shattered and was in a state of
void, not knowing what to do, as I had made changes in my life keeping him in
mind, and now suddenly I felt, I was without a direction, completely lost,
broken and almost getting into depression.
The longer I stayed at home, the greater the difficulty of coming out of
the situation. I am thankful to God for
my family, relatives and friends who were very kind with me, comforted me, and
kept in touch with me, and helped me come of the situation.
It was just a week after my son’s
death, and I get a call from an old friend, who suggested me about an opening
in a counseling centre, for the post of a counselor, who would help the
students in dealing with their academic issues and psychological problems. And
also refer students with severe disorder problems to the psychiatrist and if
required hospital.
In the given situation I was
wondering whether I would be able to take this up, as the pain and the loss of
my child was too much, and I was still grieving, I was not sure whether I would
be able to work as I suffered with pain,
and I wondered being hurt and wounded whether I could be in a position
to help or reach out, for I was not sure of myself, was feeling lost, but there was something in me that gave me a
push from within – and while I shared this with my friends, I was encouraged to
take this work.
So I requested the person who offered
me this post to give me some time, as death of my son was too fresh in my mind
and I felt I required some time for me to cope with this situation, within a
month’s time, I made a decision to take up this service, When I reflected back
on the difficulty I had in making this decision.
I found as long as I focused on my
own hurts, wounds and setbacks, I was only getting paralyzed and fixed, unable
to move out of my own bondage; also I was waiting for the time I would be
totally healed from my own wounds. The
moment I shifted my focus on what I could be doing because of what I have
experienced especially with students who require support, I felt empowered from
within, for I had been clinging to God in my helplessness and taking refuge in him, trusting that my son was in safe hands, and he
works everything for good.
I remember Henri Nouwen’s concept of
the ‘wounded healer’ that states, it is not after our wounds are healed, that
we become useful in God’s hands; it is in and through the experience of our own
wounds. This experience helps us to connect with those who are weak and wounded
in so many ways, thereby creating a heart to heart connection which is very
fulfilling and satisfying. Am happy to be a wounded Helper!
Be Blessed & Be Happy !
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