R–Respect

I have chosen 26 tips for married life as my theme for the

A-Z challenge 2016. Today’s word is Respect

I was thinking about what could be the word for “R” I brainstormed and came up with a lot of words like recall, relive, revive, review, refresh and renew. I even began choosing two words l liked recall and relive some memorable moments of life; then I also found relax and refresh too very attractive. I started my post half way through sharing how important it is to keep reviewing our lives together and bring in changes; and what are some of the ways we can creative opportunities to relive happy moments.

Then my daughter Dorothy walked in as I was writing this post. She wanted to know what I was doing and I explained to her, and told her that today is R and I am writing a post on this letter. Then casually I asked her what do you think will be important word for a happy married life in “R” and her response came to me a surprise – this is what she told me.. “Mama I think for a happy marriage “Respect” is something that is very important. I became silent because I knew that she spoke wisely and was very accurate in suggesting this word.

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So immediately I changed this post and started reflecting on this word and its importance in a married life. The early days of marriage was not easy and it takes time to understand one another; in the Indian context it is an accepted fact that verbal abuse and insults comes naturally by both to one another.

But we can see the expression more among men who treat women as their property and once married they feel they have a “Right” over the wife. We too had our ups and downs and I had a problem to express my anger and on the other hand David was very impulsive and short tempered and could get angry easily and in anger verbal abuse and insults came naturally… my intention here is not blame and talk ill about my husband, but to help understand that we are all products of situations and circumstances.

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The behaviours imbibed are all learnt ones, we have seen our elders and learnt how to get angry, and how to express our anger. Fortunately or unfortunately we are not lucky enough to have the right role models and we end up becoming victims of victim. We are taught right from the early age, not to react but to be obedient and to always compromise with your husband on any issue.

As a counselor I see the impact of this on victims of domestic violence who come for counseling, at other times I also find that a few of the women find it’s ok to continue to live in an abusive marriage because marriage is sacred and it can happen only once,  being single is risky, so it is better to live with a husband who may be an alcoholic or schizophrenic or with any other issue  “women” are expected to adjust, compromise and make the marriage work even in the worst circumstances. 

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It took a very long time, almost a decade to realize understand that we ought to respect each other. Thanks be to God we are still together having learnt the hard way and I know that we are still work in “Progress”.

wishing all of you the very Best for the challenge !!