Timeless Treasures

Memories are Timeless Treasures of the Heart :)

I Found this family picture while going through the albums in my brother's place, and my brother had laminated this photo carefully and preserved it.  Looking at this old photo sparked feelings of Nostalgia. There are so many experiences that are attached to this picture. I am standing right in the front of my eldest sister wearing a frock with pretty bough on my head. I must have been just 4 years old as my younger sister is a baby in my mother's arms. This picture is taken at Secunderabad Club near a huge banyan tree. 

My dad worked for many years and retired in this place, he was constantly shifting between sailing club and secunderabad club. we lived in the staff quarters in side the club where there were also other families. I remember on our right side were two Bengali families and on our left were a tamilian family from pondicherry. There were other families spread out in that place and it was a safe place for us as children to play around and mingle with our neighbors.

We lived in two rooms with a  small bathroom attached to that, there was 24 hour water supply, there was no electricity inside the house, and we used lanterns, with kerosene to light up the house, we had a small little red lamp near the alter and the lantern was kept in the middle of the table to light up the house. Our side the house was a big place and there was one bulb to brighten up the 5 families, and we could study there. 

All of us studied in a convent school and went by the government buses, the school was 3-5 kms approximately, and when there was strikes, we used to walk to school. There was no TV, Cell phone, to have a landline was a luxury. As children we  came back from school and used to play outside and used to have early dinner by 7 to 7.30 pm and rise early to go to school. 

Mother worked hard, did all the household chores, washed our clothes, cooked for us and even took care of our grandmother, who was a great support to my mom. Dad used to work very hard and come back late night and only Monday was his holiday. He used to shop on Monday's  bringing vegetables, meat and also seasonal fruits for us. In the evening hours he used to go to Gunrock to visit his elder brother and I used to run around in my uncles house, talking to the neighbors, while my dad and his brother used to sit and chat for hours.

 

8th August, 2022

My uncle used to smoke and also take alcohol in small quantity and dad used to pour for him, but never used to make a drink for himself. I would always wonder what would have been their conversation, sometimes nothing they were just enjoying the company of each other. Now when I recall I feel so happy as they were supportive of each other. The two brothers never fought and eldest was my uncle and youngest was my dad, in between them were children who did not survive , it is said that they all died of black fever which was prevalent at that time. 

Those days to work for the Britishers was considered to be an honor, as they were looked after well and the staff who worked their enjoyed some benefits, like good food, weekly off's and they used to regularly get additional income when they worked for extra hours. The place was a secure place with all the amenities. Dad's family lived in Gunrock and it was very far for him to commute to work, and sometimes he will be sent to the sailing annex and other times he was in the main club. Since there was a provision for staying with family, he moved with the family after my birth, and we were there for almost two decades till he retired and by then he constructed the house nearby and we moved out of the quarters to our own house. 

11 August, 2022

Sr Bartholomea

In those twenty years a lot has happened and changed, all of us completed our schooling and my brothers took up work. my eldest sister joined the convent at a very young age, surprising the whole family as she was full of life and loved to watch movies, she was very stylish and loved to take photographs, helped my mother in the kitchen. She was very strict and disciplined all of us - younger brothers and sisters. She was the second child in the row and was responsible, she used to keep track of all the expenditure in the house. 

She had the habit of writing all the expenditure in a small book and would question my father that the expenditure is more than the income and where he got the additional income from, dad was proud of her and would appreciate her questions and would tell her about all the additional money he earned by working extra hours. If any of us her younger siblings disobeyed mom she would just call our name and we would become silent, at other times she would take us to a photograph (those days we had a photograph of heaven and hell which was framed and hung on the wall.) and tell us that if we behaved well we will go to heaven, and if we did not listen to mom and disobeyed then we would go to hell and we will be burnt in the fire.

So when she wanted to join the convent, my dad was surprised and would ask her whether she is serious about her decision. My dad knew she was very fond of watching movies, going out, loved fashion and photography- with all these kind of habits, he wondered whether she would manage a convent life, as the committed life in the convent demanded discipline and the nuns are not allowed to go out and they do not have the freedom to do what they want, in fact those days, they would cut the hair, and she had a long hair and dressed so well. she watched all the latest movies be it Hindi/English. So he was worried for her whether she would be able to practice the vows nuns took to live a life of simplicity and took specific vows to stay away from family and offer their lives for service. 

My parents named her Philomena and she was called Philo in short by loved ones. Despite my dad being concerned about her decision to join the convent. She was strong and was very firm about her decision and she used to tell my dad that she is interested and committed to join the convent and it was a well thought out decision. She joined the convent at a very early age immediately after her high school. My parents missed her and it took time for them to accept the reality that she was serious about the decision she made for herself. 

Thanks to the Sisters of Charity who were warm and kind and took care of her well.  She was prayerful and they sent her to the Novitiate in Dharwar where the young girls are trained to become nuns. They were allowed to write letters to their respective families, and she used to write long letters to mom and dad, those days inland letters were common, she used to use the whole page and write enquiringly about every one in the family, even the extended family. She used to write in Tamil as well as in English, mom preserved her letters for many years in her trunk and kept it carefully, even after her death. 

I found all the above photographs of her which my mom had kept carefully in her trunk and after her death, everything was misplaced in the process of shifting her things from one house to another. Thankfully I happened to get these pictures which are precious to me and I ensure that this does not get lost and the best way to keep it safe is to safe in here. She loved to take photographs and posed with the scooter, then with our neighbor, another with my cousin who was a nurse, she wanted to try out wearing her friends dress as a nurse and clicked photograph, then with another cousin from my mother's side and my sister and the single photo I luckily found as its part of another photo, once I find that then this photo will be complete.

This above picture she sent when she was in the formation house at Dharwar and my mom preserved it, she is standing in the first row on my left side in the centre two other sisters. 

18th October, 2022

Philomena completed her training in the Novitiate and came back to St Francis school and she and continued to live her calling as as a Nun. She was renamed as  Sr Bartholomew when she was professed as a nun. Those days their congregation was very rigid and she would never come home, nor did we go often to the convent to meet her. We could only meet her during the festival of Christmas, New Year, Easter and some occasions celebrated by the congregation. We missed her as she would look into our studies and now we gradually learnt to manage by our own. She continued education for she was interested in teaching, so she was sent for Montessori Training wherein she had to travel long distance by bus, infact change buses and by the time she reached the convent it would be dark. I do not know much about how she handled coming late and managing herself. 

My mom used to tell me that convent life is not easy, it has its own challenges - even though it appears rosy from the outside.  She fell  sick and there were some sisters who were kind enough to help her out so that she could rest. She was too young, probably had adjustment issues - I don't know but she was not the same and it started  affecting her health gradually and she was given medicine and treated well in the convent. We as a family were unaware as to what is happening - as once you become a nun we cannot interfere and we trusted God that everything will work out well with her. My parents started visiting and enquiring about her, and found that she was not recovering at all.. she was shifted from the convent to the hospital, from one to the other hospital and there was no sign of healing, things were getting from bad to worse and she suffered. 

She was in the hospital for long periods, and there was no recovery as such. Some days she stayed with my aunt who lived in the same city, she was constantly in and out of hospital and I have only one last memory of her in the hospital, wherein the doctors gave up and all of us siblings were called to meet her one by one. So each of us met her personally, as her time was nearing and she asked different things to each one of us. when it was my turn she asked me to sing - I sang a Telugu worship song and she was so impressed, I could see tears rolling down her cheeks and she was telling my mother, Janet sings so well and she has such a lovely voice, she asked me where did I learn to sing and I told her from a friend in the school who taught me that particular song. That was my last meeting with her and the song and her expressions lying on the cot stayed in my memory for many years. 

I found that I could not sing that song again, for when I sang I would choke and tears started rolling down my eyes.. I realized I was unable to accept and see her leave the earth. This beautiful song brought me so much pain that I  never dared to sing - but it still rings in my ears and and I can never forget the tune .... lyrics have faded but the song still remains. Death is never easy and for me to see my sister cry and the very next day to know that she was no more hurt me deeply. 

My grandmother (mom's mother) was alive and she cried bitterly that she had to see her grand daughter die and she was upset and cursing herself, saying that she is very old and why death did not visit her but took away a young 26 year old nun who committed herself to service.  My parents were so shocked that they found it difficult to accept her loss. They started visiting her graveyard frequently and grieved, that was way they tried to cope with sadness and whenever they saw a nun tears would just flow from their eyes. My dad would stop the nuns, greet them and start a conversation enquiring about them - he tried to see her in every nun that crossed  his path, my mom would entertain nuns and bring them home from church or wherever she met for she felt my sister was alive in them.  I could understand and relate to my mother's feelings and unconsciously developed similar habit; my sister's batch mates and her juniors always connected with our family. 

I can never forget Sr Loretta who was her batch mate and very close to my sister, she was very kind and generous with her time; I recall the times wherein she encouraged me to study and continue my education, she was very inspiring and motivating - she would encourage me to trust God and taught me to spend time in the chapel whenever I felt lost of confused with myself and I follow her advice even now sometimes it works for me, to just sit quietly in silence and everything gets resolved on its own. 

2nd December, 2022

My elder brother selvaraj sent me these following pictures of our grand parents. I do not have much information about them as I was small when they passed away. I have some vague memories of my maternal grand mother who was courageous women and was a great support to my mother. In fact she helped my mother raise all the nine children in the family. 

I do not have much information about them as my grandfather died much before and my grandmother Annamma was a strong lady and used to attend daily mass  I used to hear my mother saying that she was a early riser and used to walk almost 2 to 3 kms every day to church from Gunrock to Holy Family Church. She was a strict disciplinarian and every one in the family used to scared of her; she was fond of my dad as she lost all the children due to fever and only two children survived; my dad's elder brother Arockiaswamy and my dad. 

My dad looked after her till her last breath, and was very particular about her needs and was an obedient son. There are discussions within the family that she told my dad to give up the house to his older brother as he did not have one; stating that my dad already has one from his in laws side so to be generous and leave the house for his elder brother who did have a house of his own.  My dad was so particular that he gave up the house as per his mother's wish. 

I admire my father for his dedication and support he gave to his widowed mother and fulfilled every promise he made to her. My dad and his brother were very close to each other and bonded very well; I recall the days when dad used to visit his brother at Gunrock every Monday as it was his weekly holiday and some few hours chatting with him, sometimes taking one of us with him along. I have never seen brothers bond so well and supported one another in everything. 

I did not find photographs of my maternal grand parents - my grandfather served in the Pioneer Regiment of Royal Madras Sappers & Miners died in action during the   First world war that lasted from 1914 - 1918  thus leaving my grandmother with two children - My mother \Rose Mary and my uncle Anthony Bob. She had a pension to raise both of them, and ensured that they settled down in life. She also left two houses one for my mother and another one was for my uncle. 

I have fond memories of her as she was helpful and supportive to my mom, not only helped mom with household work but also took care of us by giving us massage, bath and was a great strength to my mother as she lived with us. she used to tell us stories to inspire and she was a great devotee of st Anthony. She was regular to st Anthony's church and was very particular to visit the church on Tuesdays, distribute bread and feed the poor.  I remember accompanying her to the pension office every month and after she collects the pension, she used to take me to Alpha Hotel and buy a family pack biryani and come home in the cycle rickshaw. 

She was a good cook and was an expert in cooking non vegetarian food and used to make all types of curries and feed all of us.  She loved plants and she used to bring all kinds of plants and nurture them so well. She tried growing a vegetable garden but she had a paralytic stroke which affected one arm she was not able to move it, despite that she was strong and worked hard used the right hand to do all the work. I remember her as aged grandmother, slightly bent and moving around actively involving herself in everything. During the last stage of her life - she picked up the habit of smoking and inhaling substance which was very common those days. She was woman of faith, determined, strong willed, helpful, generous and hospitable, no wonder my mother inherited some of the qualities of her. 

15th December, 2022

There is another photograph which my brother forwarded from his collected. It was of my Uncle that is Mother's only brother by name Anthony Bob.  My grandmother loved him and was extremely fond of him and always was looking forward for him in her old age. I don't have much information about him and the only thing I know was that he was married and settled in Aurangabad, Maharashtra with 7 children. As a child I was familiar with the family who arrived almost every summer to be with their grandmother, but spent all of their time in our  house. 

I recall my mother cooking for everyone every day for almost a month and serving without getting tired. I loved my mother's hospitality and my father's generosity who never questioned my mother for cooking so much almost for 10 to 20 people at a time, including the sudden arrivals of other relatives at home. If they arrived at breakfast mother was ready with whatever the menu of the day, she used to serve with tea; if it was lunch time then she would cook immediately and ensure they had lunch and if they stayed on (while some of my cousins from dad's side would also stop by) she was ever ready to serve the evening tea/snacks and it will be followed by dinner too.  

I have never ever seen my mother grumble or having a grumpy face working all day in the kitchen. some times I used to watch my  grandmother who would be generous in buying snacks and some times even provision as the logic was that we in Secunderabad used to get good quality of rice for my uncle and his family. Both of them my mother and grand mother were open, welcomed  everyone who came home and were highly hospitable. During the last days of my grandmother, her heart was beating for the son and she would constantly keep thinking of him and calling him by pet name Babaiah. Some how she got disheartened died without seeing him. He did reach to see but it was already very late and my parents were kind enough to look after her till her death and fulfilled all the formalities as per our cultural traditions.  

I appreciate my uncle for he ensured that all his seven children are married in life, he was always going around searching for alliances for his children and traveled widely and so his children are now in different places living their lives. Some of the children moved out of our community got into inter caste marriages and  they moved on, still some of them are in touch with my other brothers's and sister's - as I moved into another family every thing changed and I lost touch with all of them. Occasionally some one comes to secunderabad, very rarely and i get to see them for a brief time while they are on transit to another state on pilgrimage.   

I am glad to find my childhood photo, sent to me by my nephew from his family album - this picture brought me so may memories of my childhood - glad I could get hold of this one picture which is precious to me. Looks like taken in  studio -  my mother was fond of getting pictures clicked... this must be one of those moments wherein she has taken me to a studio and got my picture clicked.

These are treasured moments of life, when you recall how well you have been taken care by parents, getting all the basic necessities of life; and getting every opportunity to step in to a school, and reach college, complete post graduation and even complete PhD. If the foundation was not laid, its not easy to reach. This fills me with so much of gratitude that I feel overwhelmed whenever I look at these kind of pictures - as it fills me with thanksgiving and reminds me of how blessed I am in my life.