I have chosen 26 tips for married life as my theme
for the
A-Z challenge 2016.
Today’s word is Money and Relationship
I
chose Money in a couple’s relationship, because I found talking about money and
its flow in the family is so much linked to the goals we create; and also in
order that there may be financial health in the couple’s life.
I
have learnt lessons hard way when it comes to handling money. As a spinster I
never had problem with money because I managed quite well thinking about self,
what I wanted and always tried my best to live within my means. So being the
last one to get married from my family; I had ensured that I do not spend if
not required, and willing to do away with customs that could involve
expenditure, by then my father passed away and my mom had no flow of money
(except for the house she had, which did not generate any money as we lived in
that house) My mother managed with what she got from her children; and I had a
full time job to take care of myself and my mother.
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So
whatever I could I saved for my wedding and was financially healthy. On the
other side it was very different with David, being the eldest son in his house;
and following a lot of customs and traditions he found it difficult to deal
with handling money.
So
now that we were married and we had different perceptions on how to handle
money – by nature David is a generous person and loves to be happy with today;
as he felt tomorrow will take care of itself. For me tomorrow was important and
I would think many times over if I have to spend whether its worth and
constantly ensure that I always had something left for tomorrow. In the early
days of marriage we could talk about anything under the sun, except Money.
David never wanted me to worry about money and felt he was in charge and he
would handle the way has always done it.
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So
the first five years I allowed him to deal and manage the money flow in the
family; never really looked at how and what and why of money in the joint
family set up. I observed that whatever we earned we were spending and the
balance was always zero.
Luckily
within two years we got an offer to buy a flat and so we decided to buy taking
a loan from the bank and linked it up with our rental payments. Now we had a younger
sister and a younger brother for marriage along with his mother living with us.
Once
I understood how the situation was, the first thing I did was to open a
separate account for myself and gradually started dividing our responsibilities
of taking care of the major expenditure related to home loan, education, and
children’s health… while allowing him to look at the responsibilities related
to weddings, household expenses and whatever customs, celebrations the family
believed in. It was not easy and in the process I got branded selfish and how
much importance I give money over relationship blah blah.. …
Internally
within myself I knew what I wanted and I do appreciate David for his generosity
in taking so much responsibility in the family and settling his brother and
sister in marriage and continued to support his mother, and still does it till
date. So now after 16 years we are now
in a better position than what we were before... we have learnt to communicate
and discuss about money and together have moved towards financial stability –
meaning we have our basic necessities of life, health insured for the family,
no debts and are able to focus on educating our daughter and some small savings
for retirement and a bit for travels. I still continue to make planned budgets
every month, and include savings, retirement fund, and child education.
Thanks
to a good friend Neomi Francis who taught me by example how to
handle money. I remember having a lot of
interactions with this girl friend of mine and I am happy that she guided me so
many times whenever I met her personally, sometimes even on email and phone.
I
also developed the habit of doing a lot of reading related to financial health
both in the daily newspaper and online too there are too much information. One
blog that I subscribed and read in my free time was http://moneyning.com/money-management
which was very helpful as this blog focused on not only money management, but
also a lot more information related to mindsets, and practical tips to deal
with every situation in the family. Today as a couple we have mutual understanding
and respect towards one another and also the money that flows in from our careers.
What has been
your experience of handling money in your family?
Would love to
hear from you?
It's funny how talking about money is still a taboo subject in many marriages. But, we've come a long way and we can talk about it a little more easily. Historically women had to ask the husband for money and often he'd want every cent accounted for. Still happens today. Money is like an energy -treat it well it will serve well. I love the quotes. And altogether a lovely post Genevive thank you!
ReplyDeleteMoney is the subject hardly spoken about in marriages; and most of the time the women is at the mercy of her husband, despite having her own income, I have come across working women who don't have any freedom when it comes to finances, all the important document like ATM card, bank books, cheque books will be with the husband... a lot of financial abuse also happens...Thanks for being here :) appreciate you susan ..
DeleteI so agree about the importance of money in marriage. It's difficult to manage when both partners think differently about money. Whatever said and done, having money with you gives you that comforting feeling. I read this somewhere, "Money isn't everything. But make sure you have enough of it before thinking of such nonsense"
ReplyDeleteYes shilpa having money not only gives comforting feeling; you feel empowered and you get buying capacity and freedom to make some decisions with regard to some purchases... often not discussed among couples :)
DeleteAn interesting post. Money is the one topic that I don't like discussing as it always tends to be negative. I hope as time goes on, the topic will be easier to discuss. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being here.. understand your feelings, hopefully some day you will be able to discuss this topic, appreciate you for being here..
DeleteManaging money is truly an important part of any relationship. And when crisis hit, its money only that makes or brakes the relationship!
ReplyDeleteWords of wisdom for sure :)
Cheers
Geets
So true ! I have not forgotten arguments in my life because of money management... of course I smile :) now.. thank God its over !!
DeleteIt is an important rather very important factor now-how we manage our finances. My husband knows that I prefer to save and that gives me a sense of security and hence we have divided the income into two accounts one for savings and one for expenditure like you did to track the usage. I never thought about it before in my parents home but you know somewhere I am enjoying this type of thing- saving for future!
ReplyDeleteI am happy to know how you have divided the income.. I believe its important to think about the future and save some money... I don't believe in the concept that children must take responsibility because we have brought them up or we took care of our parents. Its nice feel secure and comfortable when we are not in a position to earn. Thanks for adding your view..
DeleteMoney is such an important aspect of our lives. You have shared some valuable insights through your personal experience. I am curious about the website you have shared and plan to visit it next. I am a poor money manager personally and leave it all to my better-half, but I do feel guilty about it. I need to be proactive in this important issue!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the tips and advice
@KalaRavi16 from
Relax-N-Rave
You are not alone dear, I have another friend who is poor in managing money, but I am sure we all can learn any stage of our lives, thanks for being here and sharing your thoughts :)
Delete