It has been extremely difficult for me not to think of my son, Emmanuel in this season, as my mind keeps reminding me with every detail that took place in the last year during this time. Each time, I try to remind myself that Emmanuel has evolved and moved to a much better place, where all of us have to one day reach- and so there is a task for me to fulfill while I am alive on this earth.
Yet I struggle with emptiness and feel sad, as memory is so vivid and my attachment to him in the last seven years of my life is so strong, that Emmanuel had become a driving force for me to re discover my existence, so no matter what I do, he still remains very much a part of my life.
while I acknowledge the pain and the void in my life, I do not want to take my daughter Maria Dorothy for granted, for she has been a joy to me, and was such a darling, that she allowed the space required for her brother to find a place in our family, she was generous in partnering with me, as I struggled in bringing up Emmanuel.
There is a beautiful part of her that made her protect her brother, I could trust her to take care of Emmanuel in my absence, I could relax to know that Dorothy was there to have an eye on her brother, when we went out for parties and functions, she learnt to help me, and understand that Emmanuel required a little more attention.
I recall an incident, when she took Emmanuel to play with other children, an older boy called Emmanuel dumb, and she was so upset, she fought with him, and came home and cried, telling me, mamma ! How can they be so rude, for Emmanuel has just picked up a few words to articulate? There were also times, she taught him to fight back, she literally demonstrated how to protect himself.
Today I want to acknowledge with gratitude, for Dorothy in my life, and for all that she did for her brother, she learnt to feed him, wash his face, dress him up, help him put on his shoes, and above all understood that her brother was different from her.
Dorothy was also very sensitive and knew that her brother has to be protected from cold weather, hence covered him with sweater, and put on cap, and then used to take him out to play. At the church she used to hold his hands and control his movements.
Now when I weep for Emmanuel for his loss, I cannot but look at my daughter and rejoice, so this Christmas, while I am crying with pain on one side, but I am also happy on the other side for the lovely gift of my daughter, who is now my motivation to keep moving on in gratitude.
Thanks Fruity, (that’s my daughter’s pet name) for all that you have been and still are – I love you and thank God a million times for you in my life! I am blessed and motivated to journey with gratitude!
Be Blessed & Be happy!