I have chosen 26 tips for married life as my theme for the
I chose Money in a couple’s relationship, because I found talking about money and its flow in the family is so much linked to the goals we create; and also in order that there may be financial health in the couple’s life.
have learnt lessons hard way when it comes to handling money. As a spinster I
never had problem with money because I managed quite well thinking about self,
what I wanted and always tried my best to live within my means. So being the
last one to get married from my family; I had ensured that I do not spend if
not required, and willing to do away with customs that could involve
expenditure, by then my father passed away and my mom had no flow of money
(except for the house she had, which did not generate any money as we lived in
that house) My mother managed with what she got from her children; and I had a
full time job to take care of myself and my mother.
So whatever I could I saved for my wedding and was financially healthy. On the other side it was very different with David, being the eldest son in his house; and following a lot of customs and traditions he found it difficult to deal with handling money.
now that we were married and we had different perceptions on how to handle
money – by nature David is a generous person and loves to be happy with today;
as he felt tomorrow will take care of itself. For me tomorrow was important and
I would think many times over if I have to spend whether its worth and
constantly ensure that I always had something left for tomorrow. In the early
days of marriage we could talk about anything under the sun, except Money.
David never wanted me to worry about money and felt he was in charge and he
would handle the way has always done it.
So the first five years I allowed him to deal and manage the money flow in the family; never really looked at how and what and why of money in the joint family set up. I observed that whatever we earned we were spending and the balance was always zero.
Luckily within two years we got an offer to buy a flat and so we decided to buy taking a loan from the bank and linked it up with our rental payments. Now we had a younger sister and a younger brother for marriage along with his mother living with us.
Once I understood how the situation was, the first thing I did was to open a separate account for myself and gradually started dividing our responsibilities of taking care of the major expenditure related to home loan, education, and children’s health… while allowing him to look at the responsibilities related to weddings, household expenses and whatever customs, celebrations the family believed in. It was not easy and in the process I got branded selfish and how much importance I give money over relationship blah blah.. …
Internally within myself I knew what I wanted and I do appreciate David for his generosity in taking so much responsibility in the family and settling his brother and sister in marriage and continued to support his mother, and still does it till date. So now after 16 years we are now in a better position than what we were before... we have learnt to communicate and discuss about money and together have moved towards financial stability – meaning we have our basic necessities of life, health insured for the family, no debts and are able to focus on educating our daughter and some small savings for retirement and a bit for travels. I still continue to make planned budgets every month, and include savings, retirement fund, and child education.
Thanks to a good friend Neomi Francis who taught me by example how to handle money. I remember having a lot of interactions with this girl friend of mine and I am happy that she guided me so many times whenever I met her personally, sometimes even on email and phone.
I also developed the habit of doing a lot of reading related to financial health both in the daily newspaper and online too there are too much information. One blog that I subscribed and read in my free time was http://moneyning.com/money-management which was very helpful as this blog focused on not only money management, but also a lot more information related to mindsets, and practical tips to deal with every situation in the family. Today as a couple we have mutual understanding and respect towards one another and also the money that flows in from our careers.
What has been your experience of handling money in your family?
Would love to hear from you?