I have chosen 26 tips for married life as my theme for the
A-Z challenge 2016. Today’s word is Listen
Today’s word is Listen! Which is a very common word, in a world where everybody wants to talk, and nobody wants to listen. We find very few people really listening. I do not mean hearing which all of us do most of the times in our day to day lives. I am getting paid only to listen at my counseling centre, and every day I keep listening to different kinds of problems that young people face. The struggles and pain I feel when I listen to them and some their problems could be solved only with empathetic listening.
Unfortunately when they don’t find anyone to listen and understand it becomes difficult for them to carry on for a long period of time. Life becomes a big burden and with heavy baggage they find difficult to concentrate, and achieve their full potential. Counseling provides that space for them to vent, to articulate and unload whatever issues that is binding them from within. So that they can free themselves and emotionally normalize and move on focusing on their academics/career.
It’s the same in a marital relationship; unless we communicate with one another, we would never understand the other person’s thought processes. In order to understand the other person, we need to listen without judging the person. Our minds are conditioned to keep judging all the time, and we don’t really listen and if we attempt, it is only to give ready answers, proving our point, which does not really help in a marriage. I heard many times, to love is to listen! So true, when we love our partner we will put aside everything else and listen not only to what the person is saying; but also to what the person is not saying.
Listening can be demanding and we learn only by practice to listen with love, without judgements, and Listen in order to understand. Listening can be a healing process… and it helps us not to jump to conclusion very fast, avoids attacking the person, or belittling the partner for his mistakes. Myself and David have learnt to listen to each other, and are still learning to be there for each other in order to understand, and to be able to face every challenge together as a couple.
I have not made any set of rules or regulations at home; but ensured that we have one meal together at the end of the day; and whenever we are at home, whatever time we come back from our respective work places, we spend time listening over a cup of tea and be there for one another to share how we have spent the day and what we have learnt.
Sometimes David will start talking about his childhood experiences and the difficulties he faced in keeping his family together, and how his faith in God helped him to come out of all situations. Sometimes I would share about my parents, how much they have helped me to educate myself and gave me so much freedom to do what I want to in terms of choices I made in career and so many other self development programmes.
So there is no fixed rule or agenda when we are together, we go by the flow of our own lives, our thought patterns and current issues we may be dealing with as a couple. I found this link http://decisionquiz.com very helpful for couples who would love to improve their communication skills and useful exercises for a satisfying experience of relating to one another.
Be Happy !