10th Death Anniversary of My Mom

“When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the soul laughs for what it has found”

– Sufi aphorism

free images from Google

1^st November, 2003 is an unforgettable date in my life, for that was the day my mother left the earth peacefully.  She never wanted to trouble anyone in the family.  I recall many times when she used to say, that she will never want to get bed ridden and suffer for a long time, but prefer to go peacefully the moment her body stops functioning. 

The last time she spoke was on her birthday, wherein she was sitting on her hospital bed, and talking to all who came to see her, she looked so happy, vibrant and appeared fine, as if she has come to a state of reconciliation with everything around her.

Within a week she took bad, and went straight into the ICU, she managed to fight for her life, but could do so only for 3 days and when she found it difficult to carry on in the intensive care unit, she gave up the fight, surrendering peacefully to the Lord letting go of that one last dream of her life, i.e., to live in HER HOUSE and be surrounded by her children.

I understand the plight of a widow, with no financial security after her husband’s death, and to be dependent on children for everything is definitely a challenge. Despite the fact that all the children try to do their bit, by reaching out to her in their own ways.

Being a very social person, she always wanted to socialize and move around to attend all the functions within the family and extended families.  At times it was difficult for her, as her knee gave away, and once she also had a fall – but the desire to be part of every celebration never stopped her from moving.  I used to get angry with her, and ask her why she came, when she had such difficulty for walking – and she used to smile and say, I want to meet every body.

In the end of October, 2003 evening hours as I returned from work, feeling quite low thinking of  my mother  who was a great support to me. I felt very helpless in my own situation of carrying on my second pregnancy; with doctors already predicting for a special child was too much to bear.

My pain of not being able to be with my mother, in her last journey was too much handle, and I clung on God for strength and courage to face the news.  I sensed she had already decided to leave us for a better place, where there is no more suffering and pain.  I felt shattered to hear the news of my mom’s death and I stood bravely and continued my work; my mind fully disturbed telling myself, no point in going to see her lifeless body in the late night.

I chose to wait for the morning, and left all the work related to the last rites for my family members to do.  The next morning I was comforted by my close friends.  I went with my 3 year old daughter to attend my mother’s funeral, participated in the funeral mass, sang for her and later on went for the burial; she was laid to rest on the 2^nd November, 2003. 

Ten years has passed, but the memories are still so fresh in my mind, and till today I feel sad at the way she went away from my life.  I pray for her soul to rest in peace and allow her to live in my life by imbibing some of her good qualities of cheerfulness, kindness, hospitality and generosity. 

“Say not in grief that she is no more,

 but say in thankfulness that she was.

A death is not the extinguishing of a light,

 but the putting out of the lamp

 because the dawn has come.”  – Rabindranath Tagore

Gratitude for my Family

I always loved celebrations in families, my parents always wanted us to be together, even though each one of us are so very different by nature, what kept us united was my parents desire to hold on celebrations.

Mom& dad celebrated every person’s birthday at home, and almost all the festivals in the family.  In fact all Mondays were celebrations, for one reason because it was my dad’s weekly off, and everyone even in the extended family knew, my dad will be at home, so we had visitors on Mondays.  Sundays were special because it was a holiday for all of us, and my mother was particular to make special food on Sundays.

After my parents death, it has not been easy to hold celebrations, as every family had their own life style and issues to deal with, despite all that we did attempt to come together celebrated enthronement in honor of my mother, at another time, it was my mom’s birthday, then we continued calling everyone on some pretext so that we could come together.

This time, we came together on 16 October, 2013 for a very valid reason.  The reason was that one of our old family friend, a priest wanted to meet all of us together, so I took opportunity to call all my brothers and sisters for an evening dinner.

I was so happy to see all of them coming to my place to spend a couple of hours to meet Fr Peter Devaraj, who  belongs to  pallottine congregation, and was previously working at St Anthony’s church, Mudfort almost 30 years ago. I have been in touch with him occasionally, whenever he came to India.

This visit when he spoke to me, he expressed his desire to meet all of us together, so the hint was enough for me and then I made contacts, and we met as a family.  We sang hymns and prayed together, we also shared our old stories of Mudfort, where Fr Peter Devaraj used to visit our family, interact with my parents and even shared some biblical insights of the different characters from the scripture.

Each one shared their own experiences, and the jokes that they remembered. For a couple of hours we were together as a family, and my eldest  sister in law made a comment, stating: “it was like my parents visited all of us together” and almost all of them were happy and expressed their feelings of happiness and joy in coming together, and later on when I sent sms thanking them, I received prompt replies appreciating me for inviting them for a evening gathering.

We missed Neomi, Nancy, Ezekiel and my last sister in law Anuja, who could not make it due to unavoidable reasons, but were so much part of our prayers.

“You don’t choose your family, they are God’s gift to you, as you are them “Desmond Tutu"

With love  gratitude !!

A Special Tribute to My Nephew Sunny

Sunny with mom & my sister

I recall a very special day in my life, when a little child entered our large family. It was such a joy to have a little baby boy among the grownups in the family. 

Everyone enjoyed pampering the little child, there was so much excitement, and everyone wanted to carry the child, and play with him.  

The boy was small, very cute, thin and had black eyes with wavy hair.  Every one took turns to carry him, sing for him and soon he was the centre of the family.

Children are a blessing, and so was this child that attracted the whole family to himself. 

Sunny with grandmother

Everyone was involved with him in small ways, and with great joy, he was named as Sunny Emmanuel. 

Sunny, is my nephew, a very cute little bundle, with  a mischievous smile and full of life. Being the first grandson of our family, my mom took special care of him as a grandmother, and all of us, his 3 aunts and 4 uncles were there at his service. 

Sunny with me & my friend shiela

I have some very memorable moments of my nephew, who was good at imitating my dad that is grandfather.

My dad used to pray in the evening hours quietly without making much noise, and sunny would run and sit next to him, and pretend to pray like my dad. 

All of us would watch him with great love and admiration, and cover him hugs and kisses.

Sunny was always surrounded by all of us at home, and he used to imitate priests. I remember him dressing up like a priest, by putting on a white frock or petticoat, and celebrate mass at home. I used to sing all the hymns for him, and he will pretend giving us communion. We used to love to listen to his sermons in his own style imitating the local priest of our parish.

Sunny & me

One experience I can never forget is when my brother built his own house and shifted his family. Sunny grew so much attached to us, he cried bitterly and did not want to leave us; he was forced to go as his parents were moving out.  It was a very sad moment, and I still feel bad about it when I recall.

After some time, as grew up, we kept in touch, and sometimes I used to go for parent teacher meeting for him, when his parents were busy. He used to be very proud and happy to come with me on my bike, for this meeting. My mom used to make some very special curries and hide it for him at home, waiting to send it across or give it to him.

Sometimes sunny used to get down from the bus to stop by to see his grandmother, who was very fond of him.

Sunny’s parents were very attached to him, as he was the only child for them, and they did everything possible to see him happy.

Sunny's wedding, my two kids

Another incident I remember clearly was, when sunny reached high school, his parents asked him what gift he wanted for his birthday, and sunny said that he would want all of us (aunts, uncles and grandparents) to come for his birthday and celebrate the day with him. 

It was indeed a meaningful celebration in the family, and I do still cherish those memories in my life as an aunt. 

Today as he celebrates his birthday, I am proud and glad to be his aunt – and it’s such a pleasure to see him married and settled in life with two beautiful kids Nathan and Tabitha.

Sunny's Parents, Nathu, Dorothy & my niece Nancy

Sunny,Mona, Nathan & Tabitha

Today I want to wish sunny a very happy birthday, and also tell him what a wonderful gift he is to us in the family. May the good lord bless him abundantly, and may there be love, peace and harmony today and always in his life!

 “Your life is a message to the world, make sure its inspiring “ Maeve Garrison

With love !