SEVEN LIES

I am taking part in the Write Tribe Festival of Words  This is my Sixth Post 

 

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Today I want to share on SEVEN Lies I heard about myself, and it took a long time for me to understand that they were lies, and as a result I suffered from very low self esteem, lack of confidence, and always compared myself with other girls and the beauty queens.  In the process I was sad and unhappy. 

To cut the long story short, I needed to be loved, affirmed and relook at these lies, verify and then make a fresh start to bring in changes in myself, which I eventually did and today I can look back and share the learning’s hoping that it might be of help to someone who may have similar issues in life.

The lies I heard about myself was:

1.      I am not beautiful

I was told that I am dark, short and fat and so not really beautiful. So to be beautiful meant, to be fair, tall, and slim.  I believed what I heard, and every time I looked into the mirror, I did not feel happy about myself and I saw myself as defined by others around me. 

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The more I dwelt on this fact, the difficult it became to see myself as someone unique, precious and beautiful.I needed help for myself, and searching frantically within myself and sharing my problem with my friends, who thankfully were genuine and kind, I was able to rediscover myself. 

The day I realized it’s a lie, things changed around me – I started looking at myself through a new lens. From then on I have not turned back in my life; so many factors influenced me, the number of sessions I attended on building self esteem, the books that I have read by motivational speakers, everything worked for me.  

Learning: Do not let others define you; open yourself to new experiences in life

2. I am just a girl

This is another big lie I have heard several times, after all you are a girl, a woman and you are not supposed to laughing loudly, running around with bicycle, don’t behave like a tomboy. Being a girl you must know how to behave, you are not supposed to talk so loud.  You must adjust to whatever is given to you, it is ok for you to wait, let the boys get served first, as they should not get stones in their rice, its ok for girls they can digest stones too.

Every time I heard this, I used to feel humiliated.  There were times, I even hated to have been born a girl, especially when I saw the freedom given to boys to go around, have fun, return home late, no restrictions, it made me resent. Somehow unconsciously it bound me from within, I found difficult to be myself.  To be free, authentic and enthusiastic about life. 

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Later on I understood that these messages have been passed on …. So it’s not the fault of those who shared this lie with me.  I need to question this and find out for myself whether it was true…..  that s what I did …

Learning: Never accept beliefs blindly, always think

3. Girls are meant for household work

The third lie was, girls are meant only for household work. Their duty is to do the entire household work, get married bear children and that was the end of their lives. Girls have no identity; their identity comes from being a daughter first and later on becoming a wife. 

This was very open and obvious, statements like, and what will you do after studying? Why do you want to go to college? What is use of all this study for ultimately you will land in the kitchen, cooking, cleaning and washing clothes? It is sheer waste of money to invest on girls for they will any way get married and settled down with their husband. 

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Never accept this lie, as each of us here have a specific purpose for our lives. Explore, find out what is my purpose…. And do not accept any labeling.

Learning: Explore and find who you are  and do not give up…..

4.Women cannot handle Finances

Another lie which I have heard constantly, women are not good with money, they do not know how to plan, how to budget and how to maintain finances.  Finances must be handled my men who are head of the family. 

You will complicate yourself unnecessarily, leave it to me I shall handle it; you take charge of the kitchen and the kids.  Do not ask from where the money is coming, I have done all the planning, just listen and come along; you will definitely will not be able to handle this.  

You were never meant for this... This is also a big lie … take opportunity, and learn to take it as a challenge, and you will surprise yourself, as to how well you will handle finances. I have tried and feel quite empowered with finances now.

Learning: Be open to learn and you will succeed in handling finances …

5.Don’t be so frank and open its better not to be very open

Don’t be so frank and open, why did you tell your correct age ?…….Again a very common lie, you will not get a good proposal, everybody say lies, nobody says the correct age, what you want to prove… that you are very honest and genuine ? It does not work that way, you will be cheated.  You don’t have to be so honest and straight forward, do not worry about it now, we will handle this matter later on, just listen to us and say you are only 26…27.. Whatever but definitely much younger than what you are …..  I refused to go by what was told, and I am happy to be my age. I am comfortable being me.

Learning: It is always good to be honest and straight forward to be at peace with oneself.

6.      Women are weak creatures

This again is one more lie, women are delicate and weak, they are not meant for riding, and they cannot handle a bike or a car. They need to be driven, escorted for they will not be able to manage themselves.  They are very emotional, and they cry easily, they will not be able to take so much pain. This is totally false, comparing women with physical strength and defining them as weak creatures who cannot handle themselves is a myth. I refused to believe, and I found myself doing everything that I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle.

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Learning: Do not prevent yourself from learning, what you love to – it could be riding, swimming, trekking, car driving …. you may add on …

7.      Perfect Women is one who sacrifices everything.

The image of a perfect women to be generous, giving selflessly to such an extent, that at the end of it, the women suffers, feels exploited abused in the process of becoming a perfect bahu (daughter in law) a perfect wife and a perfect mother This belief is influenced by our Indian cinema where every ideal women is most of the time portrayed as one who sacrifices everything for the sake of the family. 

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I am no exception and suffered by trying to play perfect roles as a daughter, wife, daughter-in-law and a mother.  I am happy to have found this to be totally a lie in the process of finding myself.

Learning: There is no need to be perfect, you have a right to express your needs and give yourself enough space to be happy

I made an attempt to write my story in a simple and short way, hoping to inspire and be inspired by you, would be glad to know your thoughts….

Be Happy !