May 17, 2012

Learning to Enjoy the Present!

Every time Emmanuel my son comes to my mind, I experience hurt and pain, the pain is so deep, that it would leave me crippled and paralyzed.  I find difficult to  stop my thoughts from coming into my mind, every small experience with him has been stored so carefully, that it produced a variety of emotions all the time, sometimes I smile, at times I cry, other times I am amused and at some moments I am shocked, silenced and there are also times I am quiet and I do not know what to do.

I try  to move away from these thoughts, which is not an easy task, as the thoughts keep coming and leads me further into the details of my son’s life, I make a deliberate choice, a choice to accept that  the fact that he is no more and  look at what he  has gifted me with, as he departed from my life.

I am blessed with an opportunity to have spent seven years of my life with him as his mother, learning to understand the meaning of unconditional love. His  love  was so pure, that I have never before had such an experience in my life, it has touched me to the core and has given me a new concept of understanding what true and real love is.

 I grieve even today, it hurts me even now when I write, to know that he is no more – I weep  non stop, allowing my tears to flow, to grieve and accept what has happened in my life.

Then I look at my daughter, who is dependent of me, and she is my present reality, I do not want to get so carried away with my past that I forget my present reality – so I refocus and shift my mind in order to enjoy my present.

Now whenever my mind wanders into the past, I close my eyes, take a deep breath a few times and then continue to breathe normally focusing on my breath, while I do so a few times  I am relaxed, I smile and continue my work ! and walk with faith and gratitude !

Be happy & Grateful!

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