Today is 2 July, this date brings memories of my son’s death, exactly 6 months ago on the same date he passed away, this event left me completely shattered, as I did not expect my son to depart from us so early in life, for I had dreams for my son, and I trusted God that he would not let me down, and he will guide me in bringing up my child, I persistently tried to help him find school, enable him to articulate and was very confident that one day he would speak, and share his experience of God’s faithfulness in his life. I am still not able to understand, why this has happened so suddenly when everything appeared fine and normal.
I never for a moment thought that his end will come so soon, while I am struggling to accept this reality despite knowing in my mind that he is gone and will never come back to me, there is still a feeling in my heart, that he is alive in our midst, and his presence is very close to my heart. I also believe that God had a plan and purpose for my son, and at the same time he also has a plan and purpose for me.
As I was grieve for my son, many of my relatives, friends, well wishers assure me and comfort me, and I keep listening to their comments, Don’t worry; God has saved you from a greater misery, while some responded, It is not in our hands, do take care of yourself, still some said, do not cry, your child will not come back again in your life, Whatever you do now, it is of no use, as he is dead and gone, so Keep yourself busy, so that you can cope with the loss of your child, Do not think of him too much.
I just say, thank you and God bless you, for all those people who keep advising me free of cost. They are kind and caring people who want to help me come out of grief. At the same time, I feel they are unreasonable for deep in my heart I know that it is very difficult for me to forget my son, he has been part of my flesh and blood, and have been so involved in his life, that it has been extremely painful for me to let him go.
I honestly want to cry, I realize crying is such a beautiful gift, I feel a lot lighter after a good cry, I do not want to pretend to be strong, in acknowledging my emotions. Whether anybody likes it or not, I am sure I will not be able to forget my child till I die, as it is not practically possible for me, I shall continue to remember him with gratitude.
When I recall the advices – I think of all those moments in my life, when I have given advices to people who have had problems, today I chose to be more compassionate than before and I would be gentle enough to be with the person and help them grieve and prove them the space required and if needed accompany them in their sorrow.
I also realize that most of the time, the persons who are under stress have knowledge and they are aware of what is happening around them, but they are struggling to accept the situation, and they require time and space to be able to be reconciled to what has happened.
We do greater service by providing them the space and enabling them to just be themselves – every person takes his / her time to grieve – I am just being myself, and I am happy to be who I am, for this a phase in my life and I know that this too shall pass….. and I also think, Loving yourself means being who you want to be ! despite what’s happening in life.