Today I decided to offer prayers for my son, even though I am not particular about this aspect, I remembered the usual prayers I said as a child, the rosary, and the written prayers which came in easily to me. Some of the psalms from the bible which I used to just recite in moments of distress, I did not have to make an effort, these prayers came in naturally, for it was ingrained in me, it was a strong impulse in me that pushed and motivated me to rise earlier and spend some quiet time.
While I sat there different thoughts were coming to my mind, some of it was some very special memorable moments with my son, and some of them were sad, and I started thanking God for whatever it was, giving me Emmanuel as a wonderful gift in my life.
I reminded myself that I was only a care taker of this child, I was not the owner of his life. I was entrusted by God as a care taker, and I did all that I can for whatever time the Lord spared his life in my hands and in our family.
Now it’s my turn to let go and give back to the Lord, what belonged to him. And I would offer back with a deep sense of gratitude in my heart, trusting and believing that Emmanuel has gone to a very safe and secure place, his very source of life. These thoughts comforted me, and also helped me to release Emmanuel from my life, to let him continue his journey.
I freed myself from within to continue my journey, searching for the purpose of my existence and permitting myself to live one day at a time.