I have chosen 26 tips for married life as my theme for the
A-Z challenge 2016.
Today’s word is K– know yourself
Know yourself – I believe that as couples it is very important to know oneself, have some knowledge about self; in order that they help each other in the process of discovering themselves as well as the other. Knowing oneself is not an easy task, even though superficially we know our name, our parents, our house name, back ground etc. It is important to know myself as that unique person, with a unique set of talents, strength, weaknesses, and capacities about myself. When you know yourself; you are in a better position manage conflicts that arise out of differences in perceptions.
I had my own share of struggles in understanding David and he had his own; and I attribute it to a lack of knowledge in knowing and understanding ourselves as individuals. Knowing oneself helps us to choose responses in the times of crisis; and also leads to check our attitudes which are much more important than facts.
In the whole process of discovering ourselves; we also help our partner to find himself, and this could be the most satisfying relationship when we are in a position to look within, take responsibility for our thought patterns and accordingly make the necessary changes to empower ourselves.
I have been lucky to have to have begun the process of knowing self as a single, from my value education classes, spiritual retreats, books like “will the real me stand up,” “Why am I afraid to Love” and “Christian Vision” by Fr John Powell SJ had great impact on myself. In fact I started enjoying reading books to understand self. Even now I feel fascinated in taking quizzes, assessments to find out the “Real Me” as we are all products of situations and circumstances and also victims of victims as Louise Hay says in her book “You Can Heal Yourself”.. all these leads us towards being honest with self and authentic, thereby enabling us to enjoy and celebrate the company of oneself.
It’s been a different story with David, he had a lot of religious orientation and very less of exposure towards understanding self. Being the eldest in the family and shouldering responsibility of his family he could not continue his studies, but had to take up working at a young age to support his family, and life experiences had made him tough, rigid distancing him from the whole process of self discovery.
Hence it has not been easy for either of us and we took our own time to explore and deal with emotions of fear, anger, insecurity, anxiety and also adjustment to be able to help and encourage one another. Today we are in much better position to deal with these emotions as we have learnt to express in a way that is healthy and supportive.
All the best for the challenge :)