I have chosen 26 Tips for a Happy Married Life as my theme for A-Z April challenge, 2016.
Today the word is Explore and Experiment to learn more about self and other.
I
love this word explore and I have made this word of 2016 for myself; as I want
seriously explore all aspects of my life, daring to experiment and take a few
risks – whether it is relooking at my eating patterns, managing myself and
willing to change my perception about how I am viewing myself, my family and
work.
In
the early years of marriage, I found David to be very short tempered, he would
easily get angry even for small things in life. I was very impatient and would
love to keep to the schedule and routine – so we had to unlearn so much of what
we have learnt and carried that forward in our relationships, in order to bring
in the balance and equanimity.
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It did takes us long to resolve fights and
misunderstanding, since we were also committed to wards growth, we could see
what needs to be changed and how do we cope with everyday challenges. One of
the first things I told myself is that I am not going to change him… which was
a great relief to me as I understood that we can never change anyone…. I
started accepting him as he was without trying to mould him to my standards and
stopped taking things personally thus helping myself separate from the issues.
Believe me I felt confident about myself and so whenever there was problem I
looked at the issue and tried to resolve without attacking the person. This process
of looking at the issue took a lot of time for me to learnt, and I learnt it by
practice.
In
this process I began exploring myself redefining my purpose in marriage,
respecting and genuinely caring and helping David to search for his own purpose
of existence. The loss of our child made us see death at close quarters. A vulnerable
situation to deal with our own emotions of sadness, loss, depression and at the
same time ensures that we do not take the sibling for granted.
I
had my own ways to cope with the loss and death and thus emerge myself as a
helper in the university, reaching out to students. On the other hand I found
David exploring and experimenting with scripture, (learning, understand and
interpreting) giving back in gratitude to God through sharing his personal
testimony and thus encouraging the church members not to give up easily in
life, but to hold on to God.
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I
could see changes coming in David’s temper mellowing him down and today we are
glad for the way each of us have evolved and still continue to experiment and
open self to new learnings.
Would
love to hear from you !
Be
Blessed & Be Happy!
I so agree with you that we cannot change anyone. The only thing we can do is change ourselves, change our perspective. And in doing so, we grow as a person too. And yes, in relationships, we experiment, learn and grow and enrich each other. Thanks for sharing an insightful and though provoking lesson, Genevive! :)
ReplyDeletehappy to stay in touch shilpa, glad to know that my post was insightful and provoked you to think :)
DeleteThanks Genevive - an important lesson there in that we are not there to change anyone, that is their responsibility and destiny even .. but we can be alongside them and they with us as we face the challenges of life. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteyes Susan, other wise we are in for a disappointment waiting and hoping that one day he will change or she will change.. I come across so many women who have continued to hang on despite abusive situations hoping one day the spouse will give up substance or give up violence.. its sad but true..
DeleteIt's remarkable how you could convert a tragedy into a 'positive '
ReplyDeleteThanks for the compliments, appreciate you for being here.
DeleteThanks for your generosity, today comments are raining from you :) you brought smile to my face.. thanks again:)
ReplyDeleteThere is so much to learn from every phase of life...
ReplyDeleteTrue shesha, agree its always good to be a perpetual learner:)
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