April 4, 2013

E - EMMANUEL




 E – is Emmanuel, it’s the name of my child, who entered my life unexpectedly, turned my world upside down. He gave me new lenses to see myself and every thing surrounding me. 

He helped me understand what unconditional love was, leading me to a deeper discovery of myself.  He opened up a new world for me, wherein, smile, cheerfulness and laughter were in plenty, music and dance was part of every day life, His language was hugs and kisses.  Without uttering a word, he  build relationships in our neighbourhood.

He fascinated me and showed me what matters most in life, his simplicity was mind blowing, his generosity and gratitude overwhelmed me. With him in my life, every day was new experience, and it is still continues to be.  For he made me cry, laugh, sing, dance,pray,read,play keeping me happy always.

We named our son Emmanuel, which means “God is with us” the choice was a deliberate one, as we wanted to reinforce our faith in God to let ourselves know that God is with us.  That’s how a very special journey began 9 years ago and lasted for 7 years, bringing in gifts that I can cherish for a life time.

While I am glad for all the learning’s that I had, my heart even now finds it difficult to accept the way he left us, so suddenly and the trauma he went thru seems unforgettable.It hurts me to recall the last few days of his life, wherein in I watched him suffer everyday and finally let go of him from our lives once and for all.  I and my husband held his hands on either side, while he was on the ventilator in the ICCU ward breathing his last breath.

I stood there as his mom unable to do anything.  The sorrow is still very deep inside, a lot of questions remains unanswered, with great difficulty I messaged him from my heart and told him, how much I loved him, and left the decision for him, for it was terrible for me to see him struggle in front of my eyes.  Emmanuel left us on January 2, 2011 leaving me devastated – I grieved for days and months and gradually have picked up my strength once again with the help of my family and friends to continue my journey…….

  ”What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller
 

21 comments:

  1. My condolences Genevive!!let his soul RIP.

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    1. I am sorry, I have not seen this comment of yours, looks like some technical problem.. thanks for visiting my blog..

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute to your little boy. Peace to him and strength to you. Thanks for sharing your memories with us.

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    1. Thanks for your comments, I feel good to share...

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  4. I wish you all the peace and strength . Big hugs to you dear . You do have a courageous spirit !

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    1. Thanks for the peace and strength, it helps me move on in life...

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  5. I am at a loss what to say. Hugs, Genevive.

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    1. Thanks ! for stopping by ! I feel supported ...

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  6. I remember all the choices you made before he was born, through his life and finally in his death, Janet, and admired you for your strength and faith. He brought so much joy into so many lives that it's difficult not to believe that he's bringing the house down in Heaven too. :)

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    1. Thanks corinne ! you stood by me as my fortress and my strength, I can never forget those moments and the wonderful presence of yours in my life, I am privileged and blessed by you, thanks for all that you have been - for a brief while, I physically moved into this area, which I am struggling to forget - thanks for this space, I feel a lot lighter...

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  7. Got me all teary...hugs dear.

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    1. Thanks friend, I just wanted to vent my feelings, sorry to get you into tears, its over in my life, and i am moving on, appreciate you for your comments !

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  8. You had 7 years of a wonderful time. May his soul rip. Thanks for sharing this story.

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    1. You are right friend, I cherish those moments even now, thanks for commenting ..

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  9. I feel your sorrow, Angela. God bless. That Helen Keller quote touches the heart and soothes.

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    1. Thanks Vidya, Helen Keller is my favourite, I love her quotes and she had always inspired me.

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  10. I am so sorry. I cannot imagine what you must be going through. {{hugs}}

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    1. I am glad to share this, as I know this helps me to move on in my life, thanks for your comments, appreciate you ..

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  11. My deepest condolences to you and your family.May you remain strong always and remember the good days.Hugs.

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