July 16, 2011

Grieving – a Process

Last Sunday, I and my daughter Maria Dorothy  went to the nearby parish church, While returning from the church, my daughter was talking to me about how I had failed in introducing her to my extended family and our relatives. As neither I or my husband takes her out for functions and social gatherings among the families and relative circles.  She stated telling me that she does not know anybody, neither our relatives nor my friends. 

I listen to her in silence and agreed with what she said, as earlier when my son  Emmanuel was alive, we had to be very choosy about going out, we had to take into account the weather, distance, diet etc as he was very prone for respiratory infections, on account of which we could not go for all the  social gatherings, nevertheless I tried my best to take both my kids everywhere I went, but then sometimes I had to make some very tough choices keeping the well being of my son in mind, which had its impact on my daughter, for she had to go with her uncle’s family or with her aunt who had their own circle of  relatives/friends to be with.

Now that my son is no more, we are still experiencing his loss in the family, I have somehow managed with the help of my friends, and working on myself learnt to cope with the new situation, even though I have been struggling to accept his loss..  My husband on the other hand is also in pain, as my son was very attached to him, especially in the last six months before my his death, Now it’s a void for him, he is still angry with God and taking his time to grieve, and so he is not totally come out of the situation – and my daughter being sensitive feels sidelined. 

I understand my husband’s feelings, and also my daughter’s but at the same time, I feel so helpless, and keep wondering how I handle these situations in life now.  I tried to explain to my daughter stating, “Your father is still in a state of shock, and has not come over Emmanuel’s (my son) loss in the family.   

Hence be a little kind to your father, for he has lost his only son, once he is able to come out of the situation, he will start taking you out everywhere, for which she suddenly retorted “Mamma, I want you and Dad to know that I have lost my brother too, and I have nobody in my life to play with”, and broke down in tears, for a moment I stood still, did not know what to say – for I saw that she was honest, and she was grieving for her brother in her own way, I gently hugged her, and allowed her to cry… I had no words to comfort her for iI knew deep down that she needs time to cope with too…

 Have a nice day !

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