I boarded a bus to attend a meeting, the bus took a route that crossed the graveyard, where my son Mario Emmanuel was buried. Whenever I pass that side, I am tempted to look at my son’s graveyard, and experience a sense of great loss in my life. This time too I was standing in the bus, and I was not able to get a glimpse of my son’s graveyard, so I bent to see and the bus moved away swiftly.
I felt hurt and there was so much pain, the thought of my son no more was too much to bear, I understand that he is no more, and has gone into my past. But the memories are still fresh and it floods me at a time I am so unprepared to handle myself. I do not know when this will happen, but it is so unpredictable.
Suddenly I Emmanuel everywhere in my life. I have learnt to a large extent to live without him for the last one half years, but it still hurts to think that he is gone away and my tears have become irresistible now, while I write, when I see his picture, every small little things reminds of my son and I am completely taken over by my tears. I am grateful for my tears, for I know that healing is taking place in my heart .... and am emotionally being healed, I accept this experience with gratitude as a part of my journey.
I do not stop my tears. I let go, I comfort myself knowing that he is not gone at all, for he is very much still part of myself. I found this poem appropriate for what I feel now… from my son.
Death can never separate us.
Each time you feel a gentle breeze,
It's my hand caressing your face.
Each time the wind blows,
It carries my voice whispering your name.
When the wind blows your hair ever so slightly,
Think of it as me pushing a few stray hairs back in place.
When you feel a few raindrops fall on your face,
It's me placing soft kisses.
At night look up in the sky and see the stars shining so brightly.
I'm one of those stars and I'm winking at you and smiling with delight.
For never forget you're the apple of my eye.
--- Mary M. Green
“Tears have a wisdom all their own. They come when a person has relaxed enough to let go and to work through his sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional wound, carrying the poison out of the system. Here lies the road to recovery.” --- F. Alexander Magoun
Be Blessed & Be Happy!