Z –Zoom

I have chosen 26 Tips for a Happy Married Life as my theme for A-Z April challenge, 2016. Today the word is Zoom

Today is the last day of the challenge and I chose the word Zoom. When I think of this word the object that comes to my mind is the camera. I am familiar with this word when I hear Zoom lenses. Zoom it and you will get clarity, a close up short you can capture clearly the face or the person.

I was looking at Google and found the meaning of zoom as move or travel quickly/rapidly forward. I am using this word to my post; as I find this word appropriate to close the challenge, as already mentioned in my posts the challenges of marital commitments. 

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Marriage sometimes appears a mystery to me; we meet so many persons in our life; and out of so many we are attracted or rather destined to meet one and settle down. It’s strange how life brings two complete strangers in miraculous way and makes them commit to each other, in a way one would never imagine. I remember a prayer that says; I never got what I asked for, but I got everything I hoped for, and for which I am grateful to God.

It looked like it was already destined that we meet and commit to a lifelong relationship. I owe a lot to my mother who helped me make this decision, while I was still unsure and insecure about this proposal of marriage. A late decision, but well thought out and taken in  faith and prayers of my mother. Today I am happy to be in this relationship and have no regrets to whatever has been the past experience. 

As we move along together; we know that there will be moments when we would want to give up on the person, and it does not take much time to make a quick decision and move on….. I feel it’s at these difficult times; we need to zoom to happy moments and find joy of living together. If we have created memories and moments its so easy to zoom in those moments and relive and refresh our memories.

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Today is also a special day in our lives; David celebrates his birthday today and it’s a time to appreciate and express my love and gratitude for being a great companion, a loving father to my kids and very committed brother to his only sister and above all very compassionate person to his mother. So today is a day to celebrate and be grateful to God for the gift of David to us and pray for strength and good health of mind and body.

I am also glad that I am able to complete this challenge; I thank all of you who have visited my blog and commented, some who have read and may be unable to comment. I tried my best to keep to my theme for the challenge…  

These 26 days was truly a great month, so much of inspiration in large doses and I could not visit as many blogs as I wanted to; but yes I did try as much as I could and enjoyed reading a variety of subjects.  I am feeling happy that I have grown a little more knowledgeable because of you my bloggers. It’s truly a blessing to be surrounded with so much of positivity for a whole month and feel content, happy and energized. I hope to stay in touch and catch up with a whole list of bloggers who have done wonderfully well in sharing their knowledge.

I have also reflected about my own journey while thinking and writing bout marital life; I began to think that I should have had the title “A-Z experiences in Marital life “J instead of tips… anyways its all part of learning and I am happy to have learnt so much in this month. I thank the organizers and the team for the effort they have taken to  ensure that we have the scheduled banners and badges and a lot more of work that has been done. Thank you one and all, 

May the Lord Bless you in abundance !!

Be Blessed & Be Happy!!

Y –Yes I do

I have chosen 26 Tips for a Happy Married Life as my theme for A-Z April challenge, 2016. Today the word is yes I do

Recalling the wedding vows wherein the priest ask the very popular question to both of them  “ Do you promise to be true to her/him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and honour her all the days of your life ? Both the man and woman say “Yes” I do for the first time and later on face a lot of challenges to continue to live that “YES”.

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Not everyone is lucky to have found a companion for their journey.  Some are yes lucky enough to have stayed together honouring the commitment.. Marital life becomes truly beautiful and is worth all the challenges; the couples face only to get transformed into meaningful and authentic relationships. As their roles keep changing, gaining new identity walking along, learning sometimes through hard way; some of life’s finest lessons.

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I can’t believe it is already 16 years when I said my “Yes” and am still living that yes, after all the ups and downs of this journey together. We have seen good times as well as bad; of course there was sickness and even death in our family.(my seven year old son) who left us shattering our lives bringing pain and heartaches.  But then we don’t forget our teenage daughter who keeps us happy, smiling and motivated with all her needs, demands, stories of her school and teaches us to learn how to operate our cell phones  J how to do on line shopping J keeps reminding how much we need to learn from youngsters J       

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Thankfully we have enough space to discover our own purposes in life, a set of friends whom we can rely upon when we are tired of our journey, meaningful work that keeps us engaged and above all a community that constantly ignites our faith in God and in one another. 

One more day to go for the challenge; feeling like an achiever to have done this post. At the same time, feeling sorry that I will miss your interactions.  I hope to catch and comment as I have seen quite a many bloggers inspiring and motivating.

Be Blessed & Be Happy!

X –X-ray deep inside

I have chosen 26 Tips for a Happy Married Life as my theme for A-Z April challenge, 2016. Today the word is X-ray deep inside

I am happy that I reached this letter X J while I began with a lot of enthusiasm and optimism, writing and scheduling I could not complete all the posts. Then with new assignments at work place and some decisions that made happy as well as stressed to get a few changes done in my home took a lot of my time, leaving very little time to write posts. I affirm myself for managing to keep up my commitment, without missing a single day.

So now I write about X- that reminds me to x-ray deep inside and tap the goodness within. Marriage had definitely made a huge difference and I am glad to have grown so much from within and have learnt so many aspects of myself. Marriage has challenged me to change, to evolve, and embrace newer self, adding new roles of a spouse, daughter in law, a mother, a sister in law and also a student  of this life.

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Similarly a parallel story with David who has come a long way too in his journey accompanying me and fulfilling his roles too as a husband, son in law, father brother in law and a good friend and a companion. When I take the x-ray and see our journey from what kind of situations and circumstances to where we have come in our journey its truly a great feeling of accomplishment, satisfaction and above all gratitude to God and to all those who surround us and have helped us in our journey of togetherness.

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We are still students of life, in the process of reaching our highest potential. I believe that marriage has also made us humane and spiritual too. Marriage has been a purifying experience in our lives, providing us continues opportunities to x-ray within, make required changes in our thought patterns, deal with the emotions, nurture ourselves bringing changes in  our life style, evolve, exploring ways to rise above ourselves and discover the greater  purpose of our lives…

“We are each made for goodness, love and compassion. Our lives are transformed as much as the world is when we live with these truths.” Desmond Tutu.

Be Blessed & Be Happy !

W– Words of Wisdom

I have chosen 26 tips for married life as my theme for the

A-Z challenge 2016. Today’s word is Words of Wisdom

It’s been a tiring day for me today and am still not completed my post on the letter W. I tried writing about Work and then combined with worship and found that I was getting nowhere with this letter W.

Now at the end of the day I felt that for a change I don’t need to make a long post; but just post words of wisdom for a healthy and happy marriage. So here goes a few words of wisdom from Google to inspire !!

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Thanks for reading my post and I do appreciate you for being here… hope you liked this post. I would love to hear from you.

Be Blessed & Be Happy !

V – Violence, say “NO”

I have chosen 26 Tips for a Happy Married Life as my theme

 A-Z April challenge, 2016.

Today the word is V – Violence, say “NO”

           

There is a saying we all make mistakes that is why pencils have erasers. No matter how much ever we try to want to or decide to have a perfect relationship with the spouse; there are bound to be some small mistakes which is part of being human. 

We can look around ourselves for the model and I am sure we will not find perfect persons; but imperfect people helping one another to grow. In a marital relationship there is no guarantee that our partner will be Mr PerfectJ. Conflicts are part of every intimate relationship and we cannot avoid conflicts in marriage. So then how do we distinguish between normal conflict and domestic violence?

grateful for these images: Healthyplace.com

Most of the women including myself have experienced some forms of conflicts in a martial relationship in varying degrees. The most common forms are verbal abuse and financial abuse, some of us are blessed and privileged to be able to identify and have learnt to resolve conflicts over a period of time. But some others continue to suffer not even knowing that it’s a violation   of their human right. Many women continue to stay in the relationship, because of fear and they think if they assert themselves violence may increase from bad to worse.  

grateful for these images: Healthyplace.com

Some times it is for the sake of their children that they prefer to stay even in an abusive marriage.

I feel inspired to write this post mainly to women today:

Please stop believing that abuse is your fault.

You cannot stop abuse by acting differently.

Learn to admit that you are abused women if you are abused verbally, physically. Psychologically and financially.

Don’t feel pressured to stay in an abusive relationship if it’s a big threat to your life.

Believe that you are not alone in this world; help is available for you and your children.

Talk in confidence to someone you trust: a relative, a friend, a pastor or a family doctor

If you are choosing to stay in the abusive situation – make a plan of action to ensure you are safe that includes keeping all your personal documents, ATM cards, Bank pass books, property papers and some money in times of emergency.

·          

grateful for these images: Healthyplace.com

If you are in Hyderabad you may note the following information.

·         Women’s help line 1091 24 hrs toll free (Hyderabad)

·         Women protection cell: @ 040 -23320539

·         Women police station: 040-27853508

·         YWCA, Sec-bad -040-27801909

·         Human Rights Law Network: 040-27661883

·         Bhumika helpline for women: 1800 425 2908

·         Makro foundation: 040-46004600

Domestic violence has no place in a healthy marriage. Say “NO” to Violence

U– Uniqueness & Unity

I have chosen 26 tips for married life as my theme for the

A-Z challenge 2016. Today’s word is Uniqueness & Unity

It’s been a challenge for me to do this post; as I had too many things to handle both at home and office; and I wondered whether I would complete this post. I managed to completed it today and patting myself to have been able to post this today; hope you are doing well with your posts. I need some time to catch and comment on your posts. Thanks for encouraging me and I appreciate you for visiting my page. I am focusing today on Uniqueness and Unity in married life.

Each of us is unique beings and we have a unique set of talents and capacities that we need to Use them to the best of our ability. So that we enjoy who we are, being ourselves and sharing the set of talents and gifts God has bestowed on us naturally. The talents and capacities are unique to our character, wherein only we can accomplish what has been given to us. In the martial life too when two persons live together as a couple – appreciating the differences and complementing each other for their strengths keeps us united, healthy,  happy and alive.

 

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I feel it is very important for me to understand that I acknowledge, accept and gratefully use the talents the Lord has bestowed upon me; I loved singing and I used to sing in the parish choir for more than a decade and some of the songs made me cry, still some brought me happiness and the others filled me with optimism and hope. Listening to music was another hobby of mine and enjoyed listening to the radio…. After marriage singing became difficult and I am hoping to get back to singing once again after 15 years, hope to join singing classes, as I am interested in Hindustani vocal (which I discontinued after attending for two full years at college of music and dance).

Similarly David is also very interested in writing devotional songs in Hindi; which he continues to do so, and earlier I was not interested but now I feel that he must do what he wants and loves to so he gets busy with prayer meetings and writing lyrics from the scripture in Hindi. I always loved swimming and I learnt in the early days after my graduation, after which I never got chance to continue; very recently I started going for swimming after my son’s death in 2011 and continued for two to three years and I was so glad to participate in the district level competition at the age of 50.

 

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The most beautiful aspect is that I had both my husband and daughter standing by the pool while I was racing for 50 meters and 100 meters… I am glad that me and David are able to see the unique talents and capacities of each other and complement. I also found David very good in organizing, delegating and planning all events in the family and I allow him to do so because I see that as his strength and I do not interfere. He is also good at bargaining, purchase and marketing (earlier he had a cloth store which he managed on his own) so I let him do what he loves and enjoys doing. I love reading and books are something that I treasure; and David helped create space for my books even though he does not read those books.

Despite our differences we stand united as a couple for finding our own meaning and purpose to our lives. We complement each other in allowing one another to use our talents to the best of ability. We also share our responsibilities and with mutual understanding make space for each other.

Be Blessed & Be Happy:)

T– Trust 

I have chosen 26 tips for married life as my theme for the

A-Z challenge 2016. Today’s word is Trust

 

Today’s word for T is Trust a quality that is very essential for a married life; they say Trust is greater than Love.  How true for it is trust that takes us forward to believe, to have confidence and hope – which allows us to stand by each other, not only in good times but also in times of sickness, losses, failures and any sort of misfortune that can come upon one person.

One of the serious problems in a married life is to break the trust. Trust is both vulnerable and powerful; we cannot make any one trust you, each one of us decides whether we will trust or not. Trust is built over a period of time; some times it takes years to build trust and only a second to break it.

 

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Trust is mutual and is displayed in the way we care for each other; in the manner in which we stand by our commitments; human as we are there is every possibility of making so many mistakes of forgetting our spouse’s request and at other times we so commonly hear husband’s forgetting birthday dates, anniversary dates etc… its in these small little things we show our love and care to communicate that family is a priority and cannot be taken for granted.

For me it was not the dates (David does not forget easily, in fact he remembers everything in detail and loves to celebrate). The one challenge I faced in my own marriage was taking financial responsibility to live within one’s means, avoiding unnecessary debt, managing necessary debt and working together to decide the family’s financial issues. 

I found it very difficult to trust David with finances mainly because in an extended family there were other members who could influence and decide… thank God now that everyone has moved and living their lives. 

It has also brought some discipline and transparency and accountability in dealing with financial management. Of course it did take a lot of time and effort to believe that I am not betrayed of my trust and I am safe and secure in this relationship. This is seen in countless gestures, large and small that  emerges in the way,  we treat each other conveying respect, kindness and gentleness. A few quotes for inspiration:

 “Trust your instincts. Be true to yourself” Catherine Pulsifer.

“People who choose to trust tend to be happier, better liked by others, and more ethical than less trusting people” Joy Cagil

“Trust is involved in all the basic elements of a healthy relationship: namely love (respect and consideration for another person), communication, commitment and honesty” Harold Duarte Bernhardt.

“Trust in a relationship is very crucial. Without trust, a relationship cannot last as a healthy and happy bond.” Alana Johnson

“One of the most valuable things you can do to create higher levels of trust is to trust others ore. Don’t wait for them to prove themselves to you. Trust them.”

Be Blessed & Be Happy !

S–Smile 

I have chosen 26 tips for married life as my theme for the

A-Z challenge 2016. Today’s word is Smile

SMILE!! I smile as I write this post, because smile has done wonders in my life and I want you to smile J as you read this post. Everything in life can be sorted and resolved and cleared with a smile, for smile enhances our face value. They say it takes 72 muscles to frown but only 14 to smile so why give so much work to our facial muscles… In a marital life a cheerful face with a smile predicts a positive disposition, good health and satisfaction of life.

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Researchers have shown the health benefits of smiling and how it can positively affect us:

                 Smile makes us look attractive;Smile changes our moods
Smile can be contagious;Smile relives stress;

 Smile boots immune system

     Smile lowers blood pressure;       

                                              Smile releases endorphins, which are natural pain killers 
                     and serotonin natural antidepressant that  
                    helps body fight off symptoms off illness.

Smile makes you successful

   Smile makes you look younger

Smile helps you stay positive

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Life is full of challenges and with a smile we can learn to De Stress ourselves; focusing on the positive side and take steps to De stress by being physically and mentally healthy. I smile everyday as I look into the mirror and feel happy; helps me cope with stress.

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It has helped me stay happy and helped me even in times of difficulty. I have learnt to smile with my tears and also amidst chaos and confusion.

Keep smiling J

R–Respect

I have chosen 26 tips for married life as my theme for the

A-Z challenge 2016. Today’s word is Respect

I was thinking about what could be the word for “R” I brainstormed and came up with a lot of words like recall, relive, revive, review, refresh and renew. I even began choosing two words l liked recall and relive some memorable moments of life; then I also found relax and refresh too very attractive. I started my post half way through sharing how important it is to keep reviewing our lives together and bring in changes; and what are some of the ways we can creative opportunities to relive happy moments.

Then my daughter Dorothy walked in as I was writing this post. She wanted to know what I was doing and I explained to her, and told her that today is R and I am writing a post on this letter. Then casually I asked her what do you think will be important word for a happy married life in “R” and her response came to me a surprise – this is what she told me.. “Mama I think for a happy marriage “Respect” is something that is very important. I became silent because I knew that she spoke wisely and was very accurate in suggesting this word.

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So immediately I changed this post and started reflecting on this word and its importance in a married life. The early days of marriage was not easy and it takes time to understand one another; in the Indian context it is an accepted fact that verbal abuse and insults comes naturally by both to one another.

But we can see the expression more among men who treat women as their property and once married they feel they have a “Right” over the wife. We too had our ups and downs and I had a problem to express my anger and on the other hand David was very impulsive and short tempered and could get angry easily and in anger verbal abuse and insults came naturally… my intention here is not blame and talk ill about my husband, but to help understand that we are all products of situations and circumstances.

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The behaviours imbibed are all learnt ones, we have seen our elders and learnt how to get angry, and how to express our anger. Fortunately or unfortunately we are not lucky enough to have the right role models and we end up becoming victims of victim. We are taught right from the early age, not to react but to be obedient and to always compromise with your husband on any issue.

As a counselor I see the impact of this on victims of domestic violence who come for counseling, at other times I also find that a few of the women find it’s ok to continue to live in an abusive marriage because marriage is sacred and it can happen only once,  being single is risky, so it is better to live with a husband who may be an alcoholic or schizophrenic or with any other issue  “women” are expected to adjust, compromise and make the marriage work even in the worst circumstances. 

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It took a very long time, almost a decade to realize understand that we ought to respect each other. Thanks be to God we are still together having learnt the hard way and I know that we are still work in “Progress”.

wishing all of you the very Best for the challenge !!