Grateful for month of February 2016

My gratitude list for this month, in no particular order:

1.My neighbor who lent me the cooking gas; when the gas got over in the middle of making dinner for my family; it was such a chaos in the kitchen for me; and it’s a blessing to have a kind friend who lent her gas and helped me complete my task. What a relief and blessings to have such people around.

For Dr Evita Fernandez who went out of her way to organize some of the scans in her hospital;  for me I was a bit nervous about these scans/tests which is important and  part of being healthy.

2.For Subhandra, my friend - for sharing lunch and celebrating her birthday in advance; who later on I came to know that she has stopped celebration after her mom’s death; she got so emotional to cut the cake and the surprise was too much for her to handle…. We did not even know her mother passed away and after so many years it was a reunion of college mates… and the lovely heartfelt thank you message I received from her.

with college mates for lunch

3.For completing two books in between my work; “Secret,” and “Secret the Power” both by th same author Rhonda Byrne. Very motivational and inspiring book and I am so grateful to God to have begun with these two books which has a powerful message on the law of love; gratitude and power of imagination. Loved reading this so much; that I started jotting down important phrases for myself for practicing affirmation to help me stay positive and grateful..

4.For enjoying the coconut water daily with my daughter;  the city is flooded with coconuts now and sold for a very less price, so I am carrying everyday  tender coconut for both of us; to give my daughter when she comes back from  school. As she loves drink and eat the tender coconut.

5.Thankful for the homeopathy doctor who helped me and my daughter to bring changes in meal plans at home and at office. So I have now cut completely meat and replaced it with vegetarian cooking… in the process am exploring a variety of ways to make the curries nutritious as well as tasty to encourage ourselves to stay healthy.

Money plant

6.I am glad to have picked up  a small money plant, loved the look of it and brought it home like a small baby and started watering it every day.  I bought two more pots as I heard from one of our friends that these grow very fast and we must put a support so that it can climb and move on. It gives me a happy feeling whenever I look at it, and I do not forget to water it daily…. There’s a nice feeling to look at the green leaves and smile... I got Dorothy and David involved in looking after these babies and Dorothy is happy and even named the two saplings.

my daughter's gift

7.I was surprised to get a gift –( beautiful earrings) from my daughter on the valentine’s day, She got that with her pocket money.  This year she told me that she has always received from me, and felt like giving me a surprise, she brought a smile on my face and felt happy with her gesture.

Family outing to a shrine of Infant Jesus, 27 kilometers from where we reside; was glad to spend half day in the church together. Came home and made some special lunch and it was nice time of togetherness.

appetising desert after a delicious dinner

8.Grateful for good company of friends;  two of my friends, called me saying they were stressed and were looking for an opportunity to meet; so we planned for a movie – Fitoor based on Charles dickens’s novel “the great expectations”. We enjoyed this beautiful  Hindi movie; and then spent some time snacking together expressing ourselves and updating one another of what s happening and then came back with thankfulness in my heart. I am also grateful for a few outings as a family, mostly attending celebrations of birthdays, anniversaries and get together.

9.This month, I lost my niece Rachel and it was the most shocking news to me; and I felt very sad because she died so young. So many thoughts about her, I already made a post; I am grateful for her for having come into our lives and creating memories for us. Today it’s more a gratitude and less grief.

10.I am thankful to Vidya for the Gratitude Circle for all her efforts in helping me stay motivated; and also for her generosity in sharing her knowledge and skills. I would love to stay and touch and remain grateful. Thanks Vidya

Another month of the year 2016 is getting over, and I am glad that it was a great month, and I look forward  with  optimism and hope for the coming months !!

Be Blessed & Be Happy!!

A Tribute to Rachel Shanaz

Rachel Shanaz

This month on the 18 February, 2016 I get a call from my nephew; that Rachel is no more. (Rachel is my niece, my last brother’s child) For a moment I was wondering whether I am really listening to this information; later with few more calls the message was getting confirmed that she has died even before she reached the hospital; and was diagnosed as fever with jaundice.

I was flooded with so many memories of her in my life; some of which made me smile, some made me happy, still some made me grateful and few situations and experiences made me angry and also upset. Now I did not want to focus on the negative aspects; so I chose to look at the positive side of her and decided to be grateful for whatever memories she has created in our lives; letting go of some aspects which is not worth talking about, especially when the person is no more. As I strongly believe that it takes both the good, and not so good to make our lives complete. I have always been grateful for all types of experiences because I see every experience as learning and a revelation for my own growth process; that challenges me to remain true to myself.

So I and Dorothy decided to work on the funeral service as our tribute for Rachel, taking appropriate scripture passage, and choosing her favourite hymns, while David agreed to go out and get us the print outs and copies. While I completed the work, my daughter wanted to read a tribute, so I tried to help her a bit and she came up with one page for Rachel, whom she referred as “AKKA” means elder sister. We went for the funeral and were there for the service and Dorothy was looking at the lifeless body of Rachel, put in the coffin box. She told me that she    did not feel like reading. So I agreed and told her she can give me to post:

Courtesy Google image

The following was the tribute:
“My first meeting with Rachel akka was in my house; as she studied in the boarding school, I did not get to meet her often.  When she started coming home for holidays,  I was introduced by my mother and I was still small. Rachel akka was very easy to be friendly and it did not take much time for me to become friend. In this short span of time that I knew her, I found akka to be very approachable and hard working. She was very good at singing for we had many moments in our family where we prayed and sang together. I still remember some of the songs that she used to sing with us. She used to maintain books and write her favorite songs in the book. 

She loved to stay with our family; and we welcomed her on weekends as it was holiday for my parents; I have a great memory of visiting the Salarjung measum, Dhole Re Dhani, a small resort set in Rajasthani village, Chowmallah Palace and also few movies that we laughed out loudly enjoying the comedies. Sometimes her stay lasted longer; when she required help from my mom to write her exams; submit assignments.  She was also very good at maintaining her cupboard clean and neat and I always used to take her help for sorting my clothes and books. She had a neat and beautiful handwriting and she wrote from her heart; I do have a few letters in which she has thanked me and my family for our hospitality and positive experiences, whenever she came to our house; during holidays. Sometimes she used to stay longer; and accompanied us everywhere.

She loved Dosa and potatoes and taught me how to make bread bhajjis, for snacks, in the evening with tea. She also was good in collecting quotes and proverbs and would recite in the free time. Whenever mummy shouted at me for anything, I used to tell Rachel akka and she would comfort me and so we used to go out for a walk, eat paanipuri and sometimes even go for long walks. Today I feel sad that she is no more; but her memories will always remain with us; Good bye sister I will miss you J Maria Dorothy

I am still in the process of getting used to the idea that, my niece is no more in this world. There are so many questions that are unanswered. Why death at such a young age? Why the diagnosis was delayed by the doctors etc… while I keep searching for the answers both from within and from the situations, it only adds to my sadness. I am grateful to be reminded once again in this year; that death is inevitable and none of us can escape death – whether we like it or not, it’s an important reality.

image from Google

I have seen my grandmother’s death,  my elder sister’s death, my dad’s death, my mother’s death, and my son’s death and recently in the last two years I have seen my brother in law’s death and few more deaths in the relatives and friends circle and each time – I have been disturbed and sad. Now I don't get tears in my eyes, even though it hurts me badly.

But over the years  I have begun to accept death as part of life; because every death reminded me how precious and valuable life is, and how important it is not to waste time on trivial matters but to take charge of oneself, to re evaluate what is important in life. To once again reconsider my time, my priorities and minimize regrets.

In a way I am thankful to Rachel because she gave me lessons, especially in the last few interactions with her... She helped me focus on important matters of life and inspired me to keep moving on letting go; teaching me that I have no control over events, but I can take control of my responses, and what I can learn from them.  

Today I feel death is not my enemy to be frightened of; but its part of the healing process, a place of rest and a graduation as some authors call it, to a new life !!

“There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.

Dr Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

 

Completing 5Years as Counselor

 images from Google

This month 14 February, 2016 I complete 5 years in Sahayam, Psychological Counseling Centre at Osmania University, Hyderabad. There is so much to be thankful for; I can’t believe that 5 full years have gone and I did not even realize how time flies; when you are in love with your work, one doesn't even know how time flies.  This date is a memorable one as the world celebrates valentine day, I celebrate my anniversary with love and gratitude.

I look back with gratitude for the person who contacted me for this work; I still remember vividly I was grieving for my son; it was only a month my son passed away. I was struggling to cope with the loss, and totally disoriented.  I did not want to take up any work immediately for the grief was too much to handle. I was not even sure whether I will be able to do justice that to for the post of a counselor in the University.  I bluntly said no and chose to stay at home for the next one month. My friends comforted me; my family stood by me and one particular colleague did not give up and he persistently kept calling me to take up this job.

Finally I gave in and told him that I will take 40 days and after that will let him know my status of joining. Exactly after 40 days I get the call requesting me to at least meet the concerned person once and then decide to join later.

So with grief in my heart I went to the University and met Dr Diana Monteiro who was the person in charge of the counseling centre. Instantly we connected and thanks to Dr Diana she saw the potential in me to be a counselor; when I was totally shattered and broken. I started as a part time 3 days a week for a month and within a month I became full time counselor. I am also thankful to my coordinator Prof. C Beena who trusted me with the centre and gave me the space and opportunities to grow; despite a lot of challenges and social unrest.

images from Google

I was so nervous whether I would be able to deal with the youth here; hesitantly with sadness in my heart I started listening to their problems; and gradually Listening helped me understand that there are greater problems out there, compared to mine. So I threw myself to learn, understand and equipped myself to deal with all types of general psychological issues that can be dealt in a counseling session.

Simultaneously I also helped myself – I took up swimming in the campus pool every day for two full years to cope with my own sadness; then went on to participate in the district level swimming competitions, and taught my daughter to swim in the deep waters. Took up  Yoga nearby my residence and updated my skills in the art of meditating. Learnt to restructure my own thinking patterns, attended ongoing continuing education in the area of counseling, practiced affirmations, motivated myself to remain grateful and also took up a lot of reading to understand psychological problems. I felt like a wounded healer; tying my own wounds up and also helping others to take care of their wounds.

I am grateful for this opportunity that came to me in my life at the appropriate timing. It looked like the post of a counselor was waiting for me from all eternity; at the same time equipping me to deal with varied issues in order that when I reach this place. I am capable and competent enough to handle all types of issues of the students. I turn back looking at my career graph and feel so happy and fulfilling as I have spent more than two decades in the service sector, gaining experience and learning so much from every area of work.

Sahayam, Osmania University’s Psychological Counseling centre has given me so much in the last five years. It made me continue my education so that academically I could be sound and relevant. It took me to places that I never dreamt off as I got myself trained by the WHO on substance abuse, providing me opportunity to be trained as Master Trainer for the Global Funding programmes on AIDS TB & Malaria Round 7 & also helped me get involved in counseling supervision.

This place gave me confidence and motivation to get into research; which I have never done before. It made me interact, discuss,  explore and experiment in  preparation  and presentation of  papers  related to mental health, counseling, domestic violence, substance abuse to name a few  in both the National and International conferences within the campus and also outside the city.

images from Google

Today I am filled with gratitude for the work I do and the meaning I derive from working as a counselor…. .There is still so much to learn and so much to do. My heart overwhelms with gratitude to all my students who have met me, so many of them in the last 5 years, trusting me completely to share their inner most struggles. I am honoured and privileged to take this with great reverence and give myself in service. 

Every student and some staff who have utilized the services, has in many ways altered my perceptions, providing me with new insights and challenged me to update my knowledge and skills, broken down my prejudices, to become compassionate and kind to everyone I encounter not only in the counseling session but also in my daily life.  I serve with gratitude and pray that this centre continues and expands its services for the students who feel least, lost and the last.

With gratitude !!!

Exemplary Mother of a Genius

Images from Google

It’s been a sometime I have blogged; some days the students come regularly for counseling, and by the end of the day I feel tired to touch the system, so I prefer to get moving actively attending to my daughter, wanting to know if she requires help in doing her home work; and then taking charge of the kitchen to make some healthy meals. 

Sitting for too long and listening continuously can be very tiresome. But I am glad to take these sessions and feel fulfilled for having done meaningful work. In this process I miss writing a blog post, reading and commenting. 

Today I am relaxed a bit as there was only one student and he delayed in coming; so I took this opportunity to make a post and while thinking of what I must be posting. I found an inspiring story which I read for the first time:

It is said that one day Thomas Edison, the great scientist came home from school, and gave a paper to his mother, stating that the teacher has given  this paper to give it only to her. His mothers eyes were filled with tears when she read the letter, loudly to him: Your son is a genius and this school doesn't have enough good teachers for training him. Please teach him yourself.

After many years Edison’s mother died and he became one the greatest inventors of the century. One day when he was looking through the old family things, suddenly he saw a folded paper in the corner of a drawer in a desk. He took it and opened it up. On the paper was written, your son is addled (mentally ill). We won’t let him come to school any more.

It is said that Edison cried for hours and then he wrote in his diary:”Thomas Alva Edison was an addled child that by a hero mother, became the genius of the century.

Emmanuel ready for school.

I was truly touched by this message as it reminded me of my son; for a moment all my experiences of finding an appropriate school flooded my memories. I have made so many rounds in our city, trying to find a school for my son; changed so many schools and it was very challenging task to find a school that could help my son.

In our system of education there was hardly any space to accommodate children with special needs. Very few schools offer space and genuinely care about these children; most of the time these children are not even admitted.  There are some special schools; but they are low on funds and it’s a challenge for them to address children with different types of needs.  

What I found very interesting was a lot of it depended on my own beliefs and the beliefs of our family. Initially I felt he must be in a normal school, hence I put him in a play school when he was only 3 and half, he was very happy and responded very well, playing with other children, but only he could not articulate.  In the next academic year, he was sent to the next class, unfortunately it was not of much help, as Emmanuel went to school, but could not participate much in the class.

Maria Dorothy & Emmanuel both ready for school.

I needed to look, for another option, so I found a special school and was very happy that Emmanuel could be sent to this school, within three weeks, Emmanuel started imitating the behaviours of severely retarded children, so I had to rethink again, and find ways to help him out, while searching for a school, I managed to find another school within a kilometres distance, and I spoke to the principal and put Emmanuel there, as he was tall, the teacher put him in class 1 and started teaching him like other children. 

For some days he went, after a few days he was not interested. Again I tried a different school, and I went from one school to another, getting frustrated, I shared my concern with a rehabilitation psychologist, who counselled me saying that he needs special education, So I found a special educator for Emmanuel, who visited him three times a week.

Emmanuel a happy child 

Being an affectionate child, he responded very well to the teacher, who came regularly and taught him, in order to enable him to socialize, I sent for 2 hours every day to a regular school, and employed a special educator every alternate day.  I tried this for a year and felt that this was helpful, at the same time, it was very expensive.

I observed what the special educator was teaching, and tried it in his absence, and I found that Emmanuel was responding, gradually, I took more responsibility and started to teach him personally. I quit my regular full day’s job and so that I can find more time to be with him, rescheduled my time and explore different ways to equip him to manage himself and learn.

I changed the way I thought, and my perspectives changed. I was  willing to take risk by not sending him to school, but at the same time ensure that he has the opportunity to learn everything about life, my search and experiments continued till he turned 7 years old.  After which he became the victim of bronchial Pneumonia and left me forever.

Images from Google

The story of Edison has a very powerful message for parents; who have the capacity to bring the best out of children; by the way they treat them. No doubt Edison chose to work hard, learnt never to give up and believed in himself to become a genius.

 Have a great day!