A Child Loaned

This is a beautiful poem sent to me by one of my friends,  very close to my heart, and I found this so apt at this moment of my life, that I am posting on my blog, I am not only inspired but also filled with gratitude for the privilege I had in taking care of my son for seven years of his life. I am thankful to my friend for her concern, thoughtfulness and above all for being a mirror for me. I continue my journey with gratitude.

A Child Loaned

I'll lend you for a little time

A child of Mine," He said,

"For you to love the while he lives,

And mourn for when he's dead.

It may be six or seven years

Or twenty-two or three,

But will you, till I call him back,

Take care of him for Me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you,

And should his stay be brief,

You'll have his lovely memories

As solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,

Since all from earth return,

But there are lessons taught down there

I want this child to learn.

I've looked this wide world over

In My search for teachers true,

And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,

I have selected you;

Now will you give him all your love,

Not think the labor vain,

Nor hate Me when I come to call

And take him back again?"

I fancied that I heard them say,

"Dear Lord, Thy will be done,

For all the joy Thy child shall bring,

The risk of grief we'll run.

We'll shelter him with tenderness,

We'll love him while we may,

And for the happiness we've known,

Forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call for him

Much sooner than we planned,

We'll brave the bitter grief that comes

And try to understand.

~ Edgar A. Guest

Have a grateful day !

A Poem Inspiring

This beautiful poem reminded me that God loves me, no matter what I am going through, He knows what is best, and I shall continue to take refuge in Him.  

 This Too Shall Pass

If I can endure for this minute

Whatever is happening to me,

No matter how heavy my heart is

Or how dark the moment may be –

If I can remain calm and quiet

With all the world crashing about me,

Secure in the knowledge God loves me

When everyone else seems to doubt me –

If I can but keep on believing

What I know in my heart to be true,

That darkness will fade with the morning

And that this will pass away too –

Then nothing in life can defeat me

For as long as this knowledge remains

I can suffer whatever is happening

For I know God will break all of the chains –

That are binding me tight in the darkness

And trying to fill me with fear

For there is no night without dawning

And I know that my morning is near.

  

Helen Steiner Rice

Have a Blessed day !

One Day At A Time

Today I decided to offer prayers for my son, even though I am not particular about this aspect, I remembered the usual prayers I said as a child, the rosary, and the written prayers which came in easily to me. Some of the psalms from the bible which I used to just recite in moments of distress, I did not have to make an effort, these prayers came in naturally, for it was ingrained in me, it was a strong impulse in me that pushed and motivated me to rise earlier and spend some quiet time.

While I sat there different thoughts were coming to my mind, some of it was some very special memorable moments with my son, and some of them were sad, and I started thanking God for whatever it was, giving me Emmanuel as a wonderful gift in my life.

I reminded myself that I was only a care taker of this child, I was not the owner of his life. I was entrusted by God as a care taker, and I did all that I can for whatever time the Lord spared his life in my hands and in our family.

Now it’s my turn to let go and give back to the Lord, what belonged to him. And I would offer back with a deep sense of gratitude in my heart, trusting and believing that Emmanuel has gone to a very safe and secure place, his very source of life. These thoughts comforted me, and also helped me to release Emmanuel from my life, to let him continue his journey.

I freed myself from within to continue my journey, searching for the purpose of my existence and permitting myself to live one day at a time.

Need to move on ...

Its 12 days now, since Emmanuel is no more in my life, it has been very painful and hurting to move on, as I have got so used to having him around me, that I am still coping with my own self to believe, that my son has left this earth.  He had a purpose in my life and our family and I am in the process of discovering what the purpose has been.

 

His presence is still around the house, and I experience him every moment of the day, in and out. While I struggle with emptiness and void, I have my daughter who is looking unto me for comfort, for she is struggling in her own way to also grieve the loss of her brother.  She feels very strongly, that she has nobody in life now, she and her brother were very attached, Emmanuel loved his sister, and she was a little teacher to him, and also assisted me in giving him his medicines, neubalizing him, singing and dancing for him.  They would play with each other, cycle together in the compound and hug each other when they were happy and she would be upset when he is sick.

I have no words to comfort her, I just give her a hug and tell her that Emmanuel is moved to another world, where all of us will also go one day, but he chose to go early in life, and he is without pain and is with the angels, for he is entrusted with some work to do, we also have some work to do here, and I remind her how precious she is to us, and God has a beautiful plan and purpose for her too.

Today she is gone to school to be with her friends, and also share about her brother with them.  I am thankful to God, for her and continue with my life being open to God and myself, for there is no clear direction at the moment, but I believe there is something waiting for me to accomplish, and I wait with gratitude.

 Have  a grateful day !

A Tribute To Our Son

The journey of our son Mario Emmanuel came to a close on 2nd January, 2011. After a month long suffering, he died of pneumonia. As parents, we did our best to save our child and we did not succeed and feel disappointed and defeated. Yet at the same time we also believe that God had a purpose for our child. He gifted him to us for 7 years, and we are happy for all the joy Emmanuel brought into the family. We believe that in a short span of time, he stole hearts and continues to live in our lives.

I wrote this tribute to my son and wanted to share it with you. As I continue to grieve, I will also share with you in the days ahead, the process of his death during which we learned many lessons. 

Emmanuel, thank you for entering my life, for choosing me to be your mom. I loved you with all my heart; you brought so much joy into my life. You became so much a part of me, that I did everything in my life keeping you in mind. I never thought that your life could come to an end so soon.

I am grateful that I could be with you until the end of your journey. How could I let you suffer alone? I could never leave you alone anywhere, for I know that you needed me by your side. I always ensured that I was beside you in a new place, whether it was  a school, or a church or a function or visiting friends.

Today, I am lost without you. There is so much of emptiness and a deep void. I feel as if a part of me has died. I am not sure how life is going to be in your absence, for I am too shocked and out of balance. I am still struggling to believe that you are no more. Even though my mind has agreed,  my body is not cooperating at the moment. Perhaps, it's asking for more time, and I am giving it that space and rest.

But sweet child of mine, I look back with gratitude for the last 7 years of my life, and I feel that you have lived a perfect and full life. You were so full of life. Music and dance was so much part of your life. You had a way of attracting a lot of love and cheer. Your warm smile invited everyone into the house, and your unpredictable behavior took everyone by surprise. You were ready to welcome people, make them feel at home, and show your hospitality in your own way, that lingered on…... Hugs, kisses and shaking hands, were common ways you showed your love.  You never spoke a sentence, but you communicated excellently in your own sweet way, building relationships by your simplicity and love.

Emmanuel, you challenged me to think differently. You enabled and empowered me to define love in a new way. You were the angel of my life. Your smile melted all of my worries and sorrows.

Rest in peace, dear angel - you will always be loved and missed.

All my love,

Your Mum