Thing was, no matter what suggestions I would offer to try to help him, the problems not only remained, but amplified over time. He never acted on my advice and I eventually began to feel rather impotent and confused about how I could make a difference in his life.
Suddenly, in a conversation last year, at a point where I became very irritated at listening to his negativity, it struck me. This person was receiving so much more benefit from knowing I was listening to him spew about his miserable life than he ever would from finding solutions and improving it. It finally dawned on me that he LOVED having problems!
Does this sound familiar? To me yes! I have come across some people who are all the time having one problem or the other. These people love being a victim, no matter how much you listen, it does not help, in fact I realized lately that we are only helping him/her to have a good time with his/her problems, and our listening did not help him at all, it only makes the person remain where he/she is in life.
What we need to do is to challenge them after some time…. and enable them to take some decisions to alter their life, or to move on… which we do not do …. I have learnt it now that the best way we can help a person, is not just listening and listening all the time, but to enable them to take responsibility, so that they are able to see their contributions to the problems.
I share this with confidence because, I have learnt this from my friends who shared about taking responsibility, and also have read books that have challenged me and empowered me to take responsibility for myself, and today I understand that each of us are 100% responsible for whatever situations we are in, and we have the power to change the situations by simply changing our thoughts. Our thoughts have the power to create the future conditions; hence what we are thinking at the moment is very important.
Louise hay says that, your thoughts create your future, hence think only positive and empowering thoughts, and expect only the best for yourself. She suggests mind conditioners to practice every day to recondition our minds, as our minds are condition to only think in certain way, our minds need to be trained constantly to come out of past conditioning.
Simple steps for practice when you want to help a person, who is constantly talking only problems:
· Listen, as they say that listening is an act of love.
· Interrupt and tell the person that we do not want to listen to his problems anymore.
· Assure him/her that we are still interested in helping the person.
· But not on their terms anymore
· Make a new deal – that is not to discuss the past any more
· Discuss only the present and the future
· Address the current issues by working on solutions.
· He/she need to act on what ever decision is taken in the meeting
· The future conversations will be only on discussing the changes to improve life
· The next time, there would be attempts to inform the latest greatest grief in life,
· Do not allow that, stick to the agreed-upon plan
Change the direction to proactive approach.